life is like....

life is like a.......  life comes at you with...... i cant tag what life can do anymore.  we hear it though.  life will do this and when you least expect it.  Feeling like a bad guy in a crime scene you didnt even know about.  It happens and when you think you have a tie or a wrap on whats going on in you life it.......  i dont know anymore.  love, committment, romance, truth..... all a blur and it will never change.  at least not for me..... why though..  what have i done!!  life has done moreto me then i have ever done to it yet it always ha the last laugh...  We worked it out.  things were better and before i had a chance to prove myself.....things were over....just like that.  and that fast too.  Wow....Why??  i dont know either...the feeling of having your mind erased of the things you saw coming.. having that face of the one you love riped out of your mind...that faceless body roaming around waiting for another face.....starting over with the lingering feelings of the past is the hardest....knowing your alone but knowing you are free to do as you please.....thats the hardest thing.....letting go off someone in the name of God......thats the confusing thing......you would think that this lack of committment would not hurt after feeling it.....seeing it so many times before......WE WORKED IT OUT!!!!!.....not given a chance to prove my self.....thats the crulest thing..... i love her and she loves me and our God loves us both so things are good.....hurt.......it hurts.....why then must it........she promised future dates and children and know her closest companion says it will never happen....i refuse to believe.....until it comes from the horse's mouth they say!!.....that is my hope......hope that relization will come and she will......i dont know....only hope.....i loe God too....why cant they see.....i was bad but i am human....i repented and they forgave.......words came and freedom followed THE SKY WAS THE LIMIT AND NOW........now.......i dont know and thats the scarest thing.....i hope she knows even though she says she does....but i doubt......i hope she understands the love i have for her....for us.....for the life i know we can still have.......a hinderence she thinks off me in te future....scared i would leave and not understand....so she leaves not understanding.....and thats the sadest thing......i love you Natalia Giesler..........i would be there.....how could you doubt.....PLEASE......but i must let her do what she must.....let them go....let them go if you love them..........hold on to them if you are committed........forget them if you fall out of love.......my life over if it comes to that......over....over..........