Stacked up,
All around me,
Thin corridors,
Crossing,
Weaving,
Confusing.
One way out,
Just have to find my way,
Navigate around my mistakes,
The lies I've layed out,
The walls I've put up.
These walls,
Meant to keep her out,
Have now trapped me here.
Yet in the back of my mind,
I know;
In the center of this
Maze of lies,
There is the one thing
I've always wanted to come inside;
You.
Author notes
Option 3: Where did these walls come from?
Self-built, a death trap for emotional release and the only thing worth living for is at the end of this maze.
In the last stanza, I hope you don't find it redundant, but the use of directions are used to try and show the fact that my world is upside down. Hope you understand that.
TwT
A contest entry
- Que the Senses by Honesty Abounds.
400 points, ended July 5, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Magically Turn Your Silver Into Gold!! by Acidanthra.
300 points, ended August 2, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
Thank you for joining this contest... I will be judging here shortly... :)
-
I enjoyed this write very much. Could feel the sense of being trapped and trying to find a way out.
Lady Dragonwyck
-
Interesting
An interesting choice of theme. I LOVE the option title: where did these walls come from? I'll have to borrow that, for sure!
Watch the sense of the last three lines...is it just me, or could they be taken the wrong way? Maybe it's all in the mind, LOL!
The phrase "stacked up" is particularly effective and the three one-word lines have impact, especially since they all end in "íng" and this loosely relates them, weaves them together.
A good write around a tough subject. Well done! -
good stuff
this was a great piece of writing i loved this line:
These walls,
Meant to keep her out,
Have now trapped me here.
the end was sharp and to the point well done
this peace packed emotion and full of twists and turns, i loved the title maze
one line i didnt like verry much:
One way out,
Just have to find my way,
-
sweet flowing
love the emotions of walls, navigating around things and finding yourself trapped. in life we do the same, thinking we are free, when in reality we are trapped in time with situations beyond our control. Thanks for sharing. Keep penning.
-
very cool write
i was able to wrap my mind around this as if i was living it. that's solid writing
-
Amazing!
What can I say, except...this was outstanding! I'm in awe of your imagery, you pulled me into this aching journey of being disoriented by retracing steps in hope of reaching your true love. This is true to the guidelines too! Best of luck!
^j^Honesty Abounds -
If this poem was a person, it would have dipped its hand into my flesh, wrapped its fingers around my heart, and squeezed just enough to make it sore. It describes my own feelings from not too long ago, and exactly what I went through...wow. It touched me deep. I can't even mention that I'd prefer the grammar to be slightly different in form
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
