Nostalgia chokes me again
Blinding me with flickering images
(Times past and sentiments unrealized)
You always knew
The ending, the way the dance would play out
Faux chemicals never mix,
So why did you struggle so?
Author notes
I know it seems this poem is unfinished but it just quit. Maybe it is fitting considering the subject matter I was writing of...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Groovy,
Sorry, my previous comment was prematurely aborted. But, here's how it should end:
"The past is smashed
And the future's just a high scream."
That's just my idea. But, seriously, I think you have some ideas here that you could revisit and expand upon in the future.
Also I would change line two:
"Blinding me with flashing images"
or:
"Blinding me with exploding images"
Those are just my ideas and their directiveness is not intended to suggest I think I can rewrite your poetry -because, then it would be my poetry and not yours, which sort of defeats the whole purpose of us being different people.
Keep writing.
CaliOkie
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Good suggestions. I really like your ideas with this. It always seems a bit unfinished to me, but so was the relationship it was based on. I really like
"The past is smashed
And the future's just a high scream."
That would have been a fabulous ending.
Those may have been the words I struggled to find. Thanks again.
Despair
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Groovy,
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It is finished, It says all it needs to say, very thought provoking, well done.
Leicester
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Thanks much.
Despair
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Please don't finish it, its beautiful. I love how its so hauntingly blunt and the last two lines, absolute genius. I love it
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Life is full of stuggles. The more you struggle the more matured you evolve with lot of self confidence and courage.
A short and sweet poem.
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Thank you much.
Despair
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Excellent
I think if you'd have carried it on, it would have lost the impact it holds now.
"Faux chemicals never mix,
So why did you struggle so?"
Loved loved loved that couplet! I also really liked the way you ended on a question, it allows the reader to continue pondering the poem long after finishing it, lol
Nice one
*Gem* -
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Thank you so very much.
Despair
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Over with
didn't happen but well put . .
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Thanks for the comment.
Despair
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amazing
Simplicity sometimes is best. In this case i feel there was a reason you just couldnt find more words. This is lovely and elegant. A beautiful set of lyrics to come from such a painful setting.
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Well thank you very much. I am so happy you took the time to read and commment on one of my pieces. It means alot to me.
Despair
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i think that it is perfect the way you wrote it
it is quite fitting to the subject matter
and thankyou about the poem
it is something that i think all woman feel when going threw a tramatic experiance like that. -
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I did enjoy your poem, and I hope that you continue to post on the site. I will look forward to reading.
Despair
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one is this poem finished but it's still good so far if it's not finished( smiles) my favorite part was when you typed You always knew
The ending, the way the dance would play out
Faux chemicals never mix,
So why did you struggle so?. -
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Thanks.
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I rather like the way it ends...
I like this piece and the questioning tone of the end kind of contributes to the why and what was wrong conveyed in the rest of the piece...
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.
Despair
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no, this poem is finished... this is beautiful, and so much more... great write, i love the way you speak to me... keep it up dear sister... i love you!
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Thanks hun.
I think you may be the only one that liked this, but that makes me happy. You are the best.
Despair
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