beneath the blue sheets
i turned
my back against air
and nothing
in the fridge
in the gas tank
in the moment
he stopped
talking
as if i were a
bank
a barber
cadillac converter
‘you spin the wheels
and never ever go’
he says this
like kids at play
like a big screen
panasonic in girth
its monstrous mouth
grinding out
black comedies
in the back aisle
of small walmarts
32’’ of real
fun
and the sun
of his tongue
is never quite
straight
but arrows in
to touch me
sideways
as if it is
shy
and must be folded
up in blankets made of
stronger words
than his
stronger
than this
simple
blue
air
but then sunday
happens
and jeff says
he loves my
freckles
cause they match
his arms
because i am
smarter than him
that he didn’t believe
in cookie dough
make up sex
or the romance of
red dust
but asked that i stroke
his back
so he could sleep through
the lengthening
the yellows
&
the quiet hatred
of summer
Author notes
onerios13
comic movie
11
A contest entry
- Block Party by zillion.
450 points, ended July 10, 2007, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
Dang,
i wish I could end a poem like you do...
I hope you do spoken-word, 'cause this'n would be a rip to do with a sax at an open-mic. Bravo!
-
I am continually amazed and shocked by how talented you are with metaphors and unusual associations---the sun of his tongue! For real! And "quiet hatred of summer." Like author Bailey White says, "Heat makes people mean." Go on Girl!
-
-
I wuv you...(blush)
-
-
excellent-
-
-
...as are you...
-
-
i must admit i dont believe in makeup sex either
wonderful write!
-
this is a really nice piece and what a great close...
i liked this a lot
al
-
I had almost as much fun reading your comments, as your write..
Geezzz..lol.
As usual, I love to hate you hon..this is good.
Really good.
-
How can someone not believe in cookie dough?
I would have asked that you stroke my front so that I could quake through the lengthening.
-
-
LOL
You are one sick puppy.
Is that why I like you so much?
PS. I also need to give credit where credit is due. I have a confession to make...this was partly inspired by 'Yellow II'. I spent almost a half hour reading it over before this piece was created. It still ranks high on my list of all time faves.
PPS. Thank you. -
-
"puppy" might be an apt descriptor, legs spread, tongue lolling as the lipstick extends.
PS. You're welcome. -
-
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!
Much!?
lol -
-
What? You don't like cute little puppies?
-
-
-
-
-
somehow it reminds me of blue velvet, directed by the same guy who made eraserhead. the last stanza was amazing
-
I hate you. Go away. Take your damn poem with you.
-
Incredible penning, my Friend. Your imagery is to die for, Sweetie. Always. Good luck in the contest. 
Wanda
-
Oooh... this is stunning. I love the freedom of your form, it allows for a wonderful moulding of pace and volume of your words. It's particuarly brilliant in the stanza that thins down to the blue air.
This is a gorgeous piece- it rolls lie a film strip..
-
Wow, what an amazing opening stanza! I love short lines when they're so well-spoken like this. Each line is very independant fromt he next, but they all create one moment/scene. Very cool and individual. I love it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
