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Smile At The Scenery

One month of solitude,
One month of writhing,
One month of lonely
Feelings fooled me into
My own personal shell.
It’s been absolute hell
It’s been hell all the way
There and back, babe.

One month to try and
Climb out of myself.
One month to forget
An entire purpose
(And believe me, it doesn’t
Even take that long).
You’ve got me all wrong,
All wrong, all wrong.

One month of emptiness
Becoming quite a good
Friend of mine.
One month to place myself
In the worst situation
And still learn how to smile
At the scenery,
Still appreciate the beauty
That agrees to be seen.

One month, One incredibly
Agonizingly long month!
For just a single day
Of paradise, with you.

I went through
One month of being hollow,
Carved from the center outward
Watched by faces in the sky,
Begging me to be soothed.
And I just stare, belly up
On the sand, recovering
From yet another bad high.

One month without luck,
Without affection,
Without honestly saying
‘I am loved,’
Without being able to see
Those beautiful brown
Piercing eyes I love so much
In the morning.

You’ve got me missing
The days at the park
At the pond, at the show
At that moment I met you.

Since then, I’ve been
Counting every second
That you are gone from me.
I don’t mean to be
So sentimental and sadly sorry
But it’s true and you,
Still got me all wrong,
You’ve got me all wrong.

But I gave myself away,
In one month, one month
I diminished what I was
For just a single day
Of paradise, with you.

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Brian Balzer
    September 14, 2008

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    Oh the struggles we face.

    I liked your opening stanza especially line four and five. Feelings fooled me into my own personal shell. That struck me on a personal level. My second favorite stanza was the sixth. That also describe a feeling in my past. If I didn't know better the seventh stanza would make me think you were my lost lover speaking to me. You named our three favorite meeting places. I love your last stanza. The things we will for one day of paradise.


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    August 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    thoughtful and flowing and brutual honesty

    I liked this poem a lot. If you go back and read
    only the first lines of this poem, you have another
    within it simple and powerful lines that express so
    much. Great writing! Honest too.
    ears2hearyou


  • SoftlyScreaming
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    theres a limit on long, and really long.. i know you had to get your point across - my favorite part was
    One month of emptiness
    Becoming quite a good
    Friend of mine.
    One month to place myself
    In the worst situation
    And still learn how to smile
    At the scenery,
    Still appreciate the beauty
    That agrees to be seen.

    and that was about it.. other than that i got a little sleepy.. message was good, but if you could possibly make is a little shorter, it'd be great


  • Tetris
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Nice write

    Enjoyed it.


  • Wonderwhenitllrain
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is so sad
    Oh, the things we'll do...
    This is a great poem and thanks for posting it!
    Amber


    • Saraesa
      June 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks, Amber

      Yeah, the things we'll do for love and all that jazz.
      Most people go to amazing lengths for it.
      Thanks for the comment


  • Siaynoq
    June 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    You're growing.

1 - 7 of 7