Serpent demon circling my body
capturing me in his realm
The stench of evil on his breath
permeating my senses
As I fight, the grip gets tighter
violating my virginity
His knife like tongue
piercing my skin
The fire from his eyes
burning my face
Reaching to kiss me
I turn my head to avoid
his foul mouth on mine
Piercing my neck again
delighting in the sight
of my pain
I have lost all control
Giving in as he kisses my mouth
sucking the life
from my body
In a list
A contest entry
- One Hour Picture Inspiration - Over 18 only please by StormGoddess.
450 points, ended June 26, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
amazing imagery....
Serpent demon circling my body
capturing me in his realm
The stench of evil on his breath
permeating my senses
As I fight, the grip gets tighter
violating my virginity
His knife like tongue
piercing my skin
The fire from his eyes
burning my face
It just doesn't get any better than that, Noreen! Don
-
Do you feel like wearing a human body at last
After taking off the demon's dress? ~ Sankha Ghosh
One of the delightful things about dark poetry, I find, is its endless series of variations on even the most timeworn themes. Your poem, for instance, has been foreshadowed by a countless series of poems on violation and demons but nonetheless manages to strike its own individual note. I can certainly feel the evil here and it makes my skin crawl...Amazing interpretation of the picture, too.
Thank you for sharing this :)
♦ ~ crisstiena
-
Great write
Hello soilful woman, You have penned a wonderful poem. Deep, dark and sulrty. Great imagery. Thanks for sharing my friend. Sandy
-
Deep, dark and an excellent take on the picture! You carried a wonderful flow and rhythm to this as well, your imagery was fabulous! *grim* ~Tia
-
commendable
well done description of a violation of one's personal rights and story of a stolen kiss by a ravaging serpent bent upon his vampire-like will; but, I do not see the loss of virginity in the story--perhaps a loss of blood and an injection of venom. Perhaps if the metaphor were completed by the suggestiveness of the male taking dominant control by his strength and will and the venom became the seed and the reluctant mouth associated with the vaginal opening, the image of the suggested rape would be complete. It is a wonderful picture of the violent desecration of the lips and the neck, but it shies away from (and rightfully so)the act of "stolen virginity, as suggested by "violating my virginity."
-
ohhh love this is brilliant wow is all i can say... what a poem xxxx
-
Yikes! You've succumbed to the evil serpent! lol
Well done with this one my friend. I love the imagery
and description in this piece. I hope that you do well with it in the contest. Good luck to you with it and thanks for sharing this on here!
Jeremy0826 -
Ugh Oh! She's a gonner!
(cries with head on desk) You've killed her! You've killed her - Now what are we going to do?
(raises eyebrows twice)
But what a way to go!
Good Luck in the contest!
Tang
-
ewwwwwwwwwwww , excellent take on this pic....now who is whisper hushed lullabyes to me tongiht when i am thinking of HIM! Love you taking on stroll on the dark side...maybe we should change pages...lol....good luck!
-
Good review of the picture.
Thank you for entering
Storm
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
