fragility is my ghost lingering
staggering in the doorway
unwilling to leave and I break
I break so easily when its arms wrap the ceiling
and its nails flake paint chips into my eyes
I cannot cry blinded
his voice settles into my throat
the drop of water on a flat still lake
I ripple throughout my speech
my body wavering to the bathroom
as if drunk has anything on this feeling
sewing up my leg for temporary attachment
stumbling onto a grey floor
grey from reflection of a sky aimed by a mirror
out through a window
down the corridor
I saw myself once...there
and as my womanly hands print the counter
in shades of yellow peach (what was once my skin)
I realize my knees are magnetic
and I have fallen for reasons
every time and the tiles
they aren't so cold
when a ghost who has chained your heart to his
stands naked bare in the doorway
Author notes
"there go your knees"
"Fuse" by Guy Pearce off the soundtrack "A Slipping-Down Life"
A contest entry
- Soundtrack Inspiration by lie.
750 points, ended July 2, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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okay. okay okay okay okay.
let me pick out all of my favorite things [which will be hard because this poem was so fucking... you're a genius!!!!]
"fragility is my ghost lingering
staggering in the doorway"
--gives me this feeling of being drunk off of loneliness. Even though it hurts, the pain is an addiction.
"and its nails flake paint chips into my eyes"
--I loved the imagery in this. It made me squeeze my eyes shut. I couldn't image the feeling of paint chips in my eyes. It must be such a dry feeling, and painful.
"his voice settles into my throat
the drop of water on a flat still lake
I ripple throughout my speech
my body wavering to the bathroom
as if drunk has anything on this feeling"
--And I just loved this stanza. The whole thing, the imagery, the emotion, the message!!!! I like how you see this person as a part of you. The monster that was created inside that brings you down. And it all reflects him in every form.
"stumbling onto a grey floor
grey from reflection of a sky aimed by a mirror
out through a window
down the corridor
I saw myself once...there"
--Okay, and I loved this stanza too. I like how the color grey was mentioned here. It's a consuming, dark color that really captures the emotion described here. The emptiness and the falling apart. It's beautiful and I don't know what to say so onto the next thing!
"and as my womanly hands print the counter
in shades of yellow peach (what was once my skin)"
--I love the female body, and I loved how you described your hands as being 'womanly' they weren't just hands but they were something more. And the second part about the color of your hand prints and your skin, I liked that. You were remembering what you used to be like, that you were once solid and not a ghost. A creature that was once ALIVE, that once had existence.
"when a ghost who has chained your heart to his
stands naked bare in the doorway"
--And this smoothly brings us back to the beginning. It is a cycle of pain. It all starts and end in the same place.
fantastic piece! and now, I will go on my way of being speechless.
lots of love ♥
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a lengthy comment, thanks. You're too kind
and I like how you grasped the concept of this piece. Damn being dead inside, damn it to hell.
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*gasp*
such a stunning piece
favorite lines were
and its nails flake paint chips into my eyes
I cannot cry blinded
his voice settles into my throat
the drop of water on a flat still lake
I ripple throughout my speech
my body wavering to the bathroom
as if drunk has anything on this feeling
eek, you deserve to win this one!
xxxx
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as you have heard already- the imagery in this piece is mind blowing. i think i had an image in my mind for every single line that you have wrote. and maybe that's why your talent stands out. you don't leave anything unsaid for the reader. i interpreted a lot of heart break from this poem. i could see the inspiration of the quote in some lines. but i suppose that if i were to look deeper into the poem then i would see it a lot more cloesly. anyways. great write. it was extremely descriptive which helps us find our way into the deeper meaning of it. <3
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wow
very good, loved the imagery you created, worked well with the flow and excellent use of vocabulry, tingles the senses and makes you think a ghost is really there, loved it well done, don't exactly remember how I got here but im glad I did. Jacen an IndividualEleven.
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This interested me, I have actually never heard that song, Guy Pearce singing *shakes head*.
But the poem itself was written so fluently. The flow went through-out and the ending left me wanting more but still fullfilled.
I just love all of it, even if I dont understand it all.
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he's actually quite good
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It's amazing how you have crafted such a--forgive the pun-- haunting poem out of that one line. I don't know the song or the soundtrack (though now I feel compelled to check it out), but the imagery in what you have written is the perfect depiction of that line you have quoted. The piece is so strong on its own that the image was already in my head, and then I saw that and got all excited because it fit so perfectly. I love it when people can take inspiration and make it their own. And that is definitely what you have done here. It fits, but it is still uniquely YOU. And that just makes it even more amazing.
The last stanza really blew me away. It was such a perfect description of heartache. The way that person GETS to you, the way you feel weakened and yet you can't hate them entirely, because you have been pulled in. Kind of my personal interpretation, I know, and I could be off, but that's how it hit me.
Anyway, I'm just absolutely in awe. Never stop writing. Please. <3
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Wow. I kind of confused myself, reading that back. To clarify, mainly because it will drive me crazy if I don't, what I was trying to say about the imagery is that it was so incredibly vivid throughout the piece, and then I saw that quote and thought "WOW, that fits". The stumbling and the magnetic knees and everything. There is a lot of intense imagery in this piece above and beyond that, but it just stood out to me how well some of it fit the inspiration.
Uggh, I'm just confusing myself more now. Forgive me; such an amazing poem, and yet my brain just keeps vomitting out sentences that don't seem to get my thoughts across properly at all. Sorry about that. Heh. I mean it, though, this is amazing, you are amazing, period.
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YES! Thanks for reminding me, I've been meaning to get that soundtrack for some time now. I catch myself singing those songs all too often, but then I have to wait until the movie comes on tv just to hear them! Ha, anyways...
"his voice settles into my throat
the drop of water on a flat still lake
I ripple throughout my speech"
I am completely drawn to that comparison. I associate lakes with so many things, so that part brought a lot of different things to mind as I tried to go beyond the words and really pull out a meaning. And this-
"I saw myself once...there"
really stuck out to me. I don't know how to explain why though. I just tried like a million times, and ended up backspacing everything cause it sounded odd...
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This has nothing to do with the inspiration but this line:
"sewing up my leg for temporary attachment"
made me immediately think of Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. But anyway, moving on...
I really love these lines:
"stumbling onto a grey floor
grey from reflection of a sky aimed by a mirror"
this holds so many meanings, depending on how you look at it; for me it has this feeling where we're all our own undoing sometimes. Projecting someone's misery upon all our surroundings.
The last stanza is awesome. There's always something that keeps us glued, or magnetized, in this case to someone else and their reasoning. It's sometimes so hard to escape it.
Great line to end the piece with. Amazing all around.
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