You're a thinker,
you're a fucker,
and I'm a dreamer on the rebound
got a wish inside my pocket
& I can't remember
if I drowned---
and there's a place where I'm still bleeding,
when your hands have stopped exploring,
(and you tell me that I'M boring?)
...but you're my heaven up above?
(Well we know that I can fake it)
with my knees into the floorboards,
(it's your weight that I was taking)
with the whining in your chords.
you're a butcher
and a faker
(You're the fucking candle maker)
-you wanted less done with your life then
you even needed to survive-
I'm a breather and breaker
and I'll break your fucking face in
if you try to ever touch me
(Oh, I promise, one more time)
and i've never liked your poison,
and the taste inside the ocean
when you told me it was just sperm
and I coughed it the whole while,
and your fingertips are deadly
(they can cause such hate within me)
when you say that you can love me,
*and press your love into my bones*
and I'm a mattress and a chew toy,
I'm a pillow and a kill joy
I'm your secret horse of Troy
*to hide your soldiers in at night*
and you're a number
you're another
you're a lover
I can't bother,
to try to keep them all in order
but you're the
hardest of it all,
&I wish that I could say it,
but I know I'll never hate you,
I'll just hide you in my heart
where all my secrets go to die.
Author notes
Well. Secrets. and slightly off the first picture, but
I wish it were easier, to be honest.
Sliptheflitch
thanks love.
A contest entry
- Yay for Options♥ by love tank x.
1050 points, ended July 8, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Dahlings, you tell me what you think. ^.^
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow. This was bleeding-edge rough. I am sorry about the circumstances, but you managed to create a damn near perfect blend of snarky-pissed off; "fucking candlemaker", with wounded and apologetic tone. Overall I think it is a pretty good piece of poetry. I don't have a lot of love for the && or the ** but who the fuck am I to say anything.
nice job.
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Nice Phrasing
Well, at least pain-in-the-ass circumstances make for good poetry. There are many gems contained within this piece. For example, "And the taste inside the ocean/When you told me it was just sperm." I also love the general cutthroat tone, and the agony of loving and hating simultaneously. (Believe me, I seem to come down with these symptoms often. I am sorry you are suffering the same). The last line is also killer, and an excellent way to describe the heart.
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Oh Merethe, I am sorry it isn't working out. I kind of got the vibe while I was home, but I didn't want to say anything cause you seemed happy. I'll be home soon and we can hang out. *hugs* But on to the poem.
I always did envy you the way you could set up a write like a picture but make it flow just as easily as any of my boring structured poems. And you use explicit wording and not make it seem AS bad as it could be, but they always seem to lay in wait inside your poems, waiting to surprise you when you happen across them. The imagery is wonderful and as usual you wrote another winner. Just sorry it had to be from experience.
got a wish inside my pocket
&& I can't remember
if I drowned---
~WindsAngel~
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ohh I absolutely loved the flow of this poem. I was pretty much humming along with it as I was reading it. It moves at such a fast pace and just grabbed on my attention. My favorite part was
"You're a thinker,
you're a fucker,
and I'm a dreamer on the rebound
got a wish inside my pocket
but I can't remember
if I drowned---"
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I can relate...I've felt this way before. but I love the way you've written this that I can't even pick a favorite part. I hope you work everything out. Your imagery was so intense that it brought me back to a place I'm not sure I wanted to go to but your poem is absolutely beautiful.
♥
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I don' think the last line does justice to the rest of the poem.
I say that because the rhythm to this is so wicked and I love so many lines and then the ending line just seemed a bit cliche.
wonderful write babe♥♥
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I LOVE IT
VERY GOOD that is all i have to say!
Darkness
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please state your username in your author's notes, thanks
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"You're a thinker,
you're a fucker,
and I'm a dreamer on the rebound
got a wish inside my pocket
but I can't remember
if I drowned---"
Ahh I love that part!
Great rhyming.
You're definitely in a hard position;
I hope you realize what's best for you soon.
As stupid & cliche as this sounds,
I guess you should just follow your instinct.
Good job, best of luck & thanks for entering!
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