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Show Me How to Love

I love you with a love you taught me to live
A key to my soul did you give
You opened me up with your care
And I cry now that you’re not there
I long to return the gift you gave
And from your despair save
Save the one who likewise saved me
Your side is the only place I long to be
I seek the child who died
The one the world tried to hide
For every tear that streaks your face
I long to return a heartfelt embrace
I long to hold the one I love
The one who was my gift from above
When you are overcome by shame
I wait to hear you call my name
I stand ready to give you my hand
Need only you demand
I look into your eyes
All I see is pain, and the dream of blue skies
I listen to your voice
I see it was not your choice
Your pain is forever there
And I will forever care

Author notes

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • poetrysheartbreak
    October 24, 2007

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    This poem is excellent! I love the flow and the feel of this piece. I can really feel the emotion in it. Great write!

  • torn-apart-angel
    July 15, 2007
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    wow nice write and good luck


  • crimsondew
    July 13, 2007

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    This is lovely view on love...You can actually experience the feeling through the lines...All the best!


  • Northern Raven
    July 7, 2007

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    I think the author of this poem has expressed what it feels like to have experienced a very real love but then lost it. Although there is a lot of sentiment underlying the words in this work they could be expressed with more passion by expanding on some of them. and the use of imagery as in the line “All I see is pain, and the dream of blue skies.”

    Personally I feel the author could give better expression if the poem was rewritten as a free-verse rather than trying to make it rhyme. The rhyming words used here are good and not forced but the lines themselves have intermittent rhythm which makes the flow jumpy.

    If the author chose to rewrite in rhyme that flow needs addressing and one way to do it is to break in to quatrains and read it out loud to find where the rhythm needs adjustment. For example, it can be clearly seen that the last four lines are different from those at the start of the poem. Poems written in rhyme usually have the same rhythmic pattern throughout the entire work.

    Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.

    Northern Raven


  • Systems Malfunction
    June 28, 2007
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    This is decent. Lots of nice words and images. Problem with it is alot (almost all) of the poem feels like it has forced rhyme. Like, the rhymes don't flow super well together. Still, this was a good write despite its flaws. Good luck in the contest!

1 - 5 of 5