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Sorry, Luscious

 

 

 

Venom shook my lips
casting glares at bookshelves,
and at water rings
on coffee tables.

Surely, you knew my intentions,
to drown with the others
angrily, wearing vodka
and tricks up our sleeves.

Selfish is, as selfish does.
I probably bit you
and made you bleed.
My hands shook without the buzz.

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

corkscrew drama - SurelyWritten :] who else?


A contest entry

someone please check the spelling.

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Age of Rain
    March 26, 2008

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    Great start with venom. You choose very strong words. Much better than say "the" venom. I love that you jump right in. Like a good novel. "Angrily...vodka" Great connection there. And your ending hooks it all together with perfection. Addiction is quite powerful...marvelous!


  • voices
    March 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    .


    • SurelyWritten
      March 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Oooh, I forgot about this poem. Its not my favorite, but I think there are a couple good images in it. Ty for the comment...

      -S

  • Eusebius
    August 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    Curious, arcane, but very deftly and well done. I liked it a great deal... bravo... bravo...


  • Melodies
    August 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You are brilliant, dear one! Your poetry should be in a bound volume with gold lettering.


  • Dalaney gold member
    July 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your poetry is vibrant in
    any form or style. I know
    you are one of the best young
    voices on this site, and I
    cannot wait for you to write
    more...so, hurry! lol

    Love, lane


  • Tangled Angle
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. Everything is just excellent. [my comments are getting so dull... I need to come up with new words. lol]
    Really though, great job. I love the concept here.

    • SurelyWritten
      June 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yea, your comments are lame. That's okay though, god knows I haven't given any good comments lately. Thanks 'gain.


  • tomisb
    June 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    there is an emptiness in this anger. A grief hidden beneath the cool, I am on top of it pose. Nicely done.
    Love, Tom B.

    • SurelyWritten
      June 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I'm not sure I understand your comment. This isn't intended to have any anger in it. I assume placing the adjective 'angrily' in this gave that impression, but that is simply meant to tell the extent of the night, the "lush" drinking....

      -S

      • tomisb
        June 30, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        First line - Venom shook my lips
        next - casting glares
        drown with the others angrily
        bit you made you bleed.

        Sounds like anger to me. lots of it.

        sorry. forgive me please.

        • SurelyWritten
          July 10, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          Oh, don't apologize. I love your comments, you always see something no one else picks up on. I guess it does sound like anger when you really look at the word choice. Hmm.. It wasn't intended that way, but I guess I confuse drinking to encourage apathy with anger. It wouldn't surprise me. I'm crazy. Thanks for the comments Tom, you know I appreciate it.

          -S

1 - 12 of 12