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I'm Destroying this, aren't I?

Watch me fall
because i've done it again,
haven't I?
I shouldn't speak
I shouldn't Think
because now all I'm doing
Is hurting you.
And That's hurting me
deep inside.


wasn't this last night's nightmare?
Please,
i don't want to call this deja'vu
because it didn't end well
for me or you.


I doing my damnedest
not to shed a tear,
and the fact that I'm admitting this
says I'm near.

I'm such a fuck-up
just admit it won't you,
i told you, didn't I?
That I always do this?
Am I really doing this to you?
but believe me,
no matter what I've said
I'm hating this bickering
This self-hate within my head.

Watch me fall
because i've done it again,
haven't I?

Author notes

I'm sorry.



everything i had is gone

`````
Shinku-Ha

AP sister

---
Contest Options: Pain

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Abstract Image
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the very loved question poem...i love reading these and writing them i have some but not a lot. i love the feel this poem gives you when you read the words out loud to yourself...good luck.


  • silencethequestion
    July 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this poem a lot, and i hope ur loss isnt too painful. its hard sometimes. thanks for entering my contest

  • Raven Judge
    July 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am going to echo a previous comment to some degree in my feeling that stanza three is the strongest one, flow-wise to be found in the piece. (Although, I would change "not to shed" to "to not shed" just to make it even better.) In a way, both the original commenter and I are betraying something important here about free-verse / rhyme hybrids: they tend to distract. We see those lines as standing out because they have an expected format, flow, whatever you want to call it, to them and, consequently, we are quick to overlook the content in the less eloquent lines.

    Critical review, furthermore, shows that the strongest stanza, content-wise, is actually the second. The employent of the concept of "deja-vu" is especially well done and creates the desired double effect within the reader's mind. That 3 makes us forget about 2, then, is all the more regretable.

    Thank you for your entry.

    ~Das


  • BarbedWireButterfly
    July 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very interesting. you enter a lot of contests. the imagery and emotion is nice. thank you for entering and good luck


  • Diggs McGee
    July 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice.


  • buggirl
    July 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is so sad... a lot of emotion. thanks for entering my contest!

    Jen


  • mourningmonday
    June 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this was really good. now I feel sort of bad for not allowing pre-writes in my contest. I'm sure it would have done well.

    'Watch me fall
    because i've done it again,
    haven't I?'

    i don't know why, but the end of your poem just stuck to me, and was so powerful. it really is a great poem!


  • Twilight4Eternity
    June 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this kind of reminds me of my poem "regret".

    I loved this part:

    "I doing my damnedest
    not to shed a tear,
    and the fact that I'm admitting this
    says I'm near."

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very deep write i feel like this alot. My favorite lines are:
    Watch me fall
    because i've done it again,
    haven't I?
    I shouldn't speak
    I shouldn't Think
    because now all I'm doing
    Is hurting you.
    And That's hurting me
    deep inside.
    I can relate tothis poem. Thank you for your entry best of luck to you


  • The FeliX
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i think many poeple, like me can relate to this poem so intensely, i was utterly convinced i was cursed because i manage to totaly demolish every relationship even tho all i did was try my harest to be a good and loving partner, somethings simply arent meant to be and the frustration and pain come across so clearly from the raw honest and self mocking tone of this peice. some day you meet someone who can change all that, ive come to the conclusion you can never truely love someone else untill you learn to love, maybe even forgive, yourself.

    fantastic poem!

    FeliX


  • faded dreams
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow how amazingly powerful. This is how I feel about the relationship I just left. Like I screwed it up somehow. The emotion in this is so raw it rakes the reader to the bone. Well put together. You build from one stanza to the next perfectly. Sadly, you do have a few misspelled words "suck" instead of such and so on. Just read it over and check it out. It would be a shame for someone to let such little things detract from such a powerful piece.

1 - 13 of 13