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[[♥ ;;Insert Cliche Pathetic Title Here ;;♥]]

Welcome to my h o r r o r  s t o r y;;


With my cigarette s|m|i|l|e & my rotten truths |con|ver|sat|ion|s


[[aren't my]] carnal crimes a v.i.r.t.u.e;;

or am I set to scare the world away with my surgical smile &

if that's not bad enough;; why don't I chuck myself down these

                                                   l

                                              o

                                        b

                                              s

                                                   i

                                                       d

                                                          e

                                                              d

stairs [[My.sweet.opium.valentine.]]

Let's play .x.Pretend.x. and believe that

a b|u|l|e|t to the h/e/a/d doesn't hurt as much,

as a deadly d\o\s\a\g\e of ((insert street drug here)).

Tatoo some disaster into my s k i n;;


Do I d | i | s | g | u | s | t you yet,

or am I trying too hard to disease your mind?

[[Morphine, Valium, Sedative, Arsenic]]

What beautiful narcotics [[hit. like. steel]]

*p*l*e*a*s*e ::grantmethis:: baby;;

give me more of a high && yes it is my ♥w♥i♥s♥h♥

Am I in the hospital yet [[...gore.bloodwork.agony...]]

I think I'm t r a p p e d in some weird reality;;

can you please pull me out of this [answer.my.goddamn.prayer].

I'd give you a fake s:m:i:l:e but I may have to cry;;

(Envy) *Gluttony* |Greed| L/u/s/t P*R*I*D*E S|l|o|t|h && W:R:A:T:H;;

May sound **shocking** but they each made me;;

Are you ready to answer my c/a|l\l yet God?



 

Author notes

♥ I think I used all the words in the wordbank ♥
I hope this is OK.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • fairy princess k
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    kool poem =) ,unique and brilliant, great and good style , i liked lines -as a deadly d\o\s\a\g\e of ((insert street drug here)).

    Tatoo some disaster into my s k i n;;


    Do I d | i | s | g | u | s | t you yet,

    or am I trying too hard to disease your mind?

    [[Morphine, Valium, Sedative, Arsenic]]

    What beautiful narcotics [[hit. like. steel]]

    *p*l*e*a*s*e ::grantmethis:: baby;;

    give me more of a high && yes it is my ♥w♥i♥s♥h♥
    wonderful k.
    byyyyyyyyyye k


  • MelissahhMidnite
    June 6
    Edit | Reply
    this is magical

    thanks for entering


  • Lady Michaella
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    wow.. i love this!! fantastic work here on this really hard form!!

    -Lemon Bee-
    xx


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    Great use of the DP style. Your emotions were genuinely conveyed and very raw. I liked how you ended this.

    Very well penned and congrats on your trophy

  • poetrytoopeneyes
    June 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the title, it made me laugh [well until I read the poem.] Great idea for this, I liked the last line especially. Good write.


  • Weetzie bat
    August 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I did enjoy reading your poem
    and the last line really ties it all together...however the punctuation is a tad bit overused.
    I liked your imagery.

    you don't need all that punctuation to write great dirty pretty darling. ^^
    I do enjoy the format you put it in.

    thank you for entering and good luck.


  • WishMeAway--x
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    loved this, i see now why you won the gold,(haha, i got silver) this piece is amazing

    the wording and the overall of it, great, thats all i can say.

    congrats again.
    ♥.love.
    HisPrettyLady


  • EliaNinja
    August 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Haha, wow. I like your puncuation. It's creative! Anyway, I really like this <3

    Thankyousomuch for entering, darling, and good luck ♥


  • thelovesongwriter
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this poem is very creativee, but in my opinion, there is an overdose of punctuation here. alot of strong emotions in the piece, but you see, for ex. c/a|l\l yet God? the call didn't need so many /|\! I d | i | s | g | u | s | t also distracted me, but i'm just offering a sugestion, but you should cut down on the punctuation. i believe dp is about the imagery, deep emotions & metaphors. if you take out some of those ][];'\, then your poem would be better than great. i'm not trying to be mean, please dont take this personally. you have a talent with your words, and I wish you best of luck in my contest!

    other than that, this is my favorite part;;
    [[aren't my]] carnal crimes a v.i.r.t.u.e;;

    or am I set to scare the world away with my surgical smile &

    if that's not bad enough;; why don't I chuck myself down these

    great job<3
    -lovesong


  • rawrbby
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    haha this was pretty much amazing. you did a wonderful job with it and I loved the title and the (enter drug here) haha


  • Exodus gold member
    July 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Before I forget, "Tatoo" is spelt with two "t"s not one. And I am not sure if you meant "lobsided" or "lopsided. I think this is an interesting piece, though I am not sure about your use of punctuation. I think in some cases it detracts from the writing itself. You have some very interesting wording in here and I don't think the punctuation accentuates that.

    To give you example the line "Do I d | i | s | g | u | s | t you yet?" With the wording itself is quite clever, however, how you have chosen to break up the word "disgust" is rather confusing at first glance. More so because the breaks you have used look so much like "I".

    Thank you for entering and well done on using all the words :)


  • HowMuchThisHurtsMe
    June 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing

1 - 12 of 12