The pain is the only thing I can really feel,
the only reasurance this nightmare is real...
the ache is all that really fits,
I have taken to many horrible hits....
I dream of clear wrist when I sleep,
I wont give promises I know I cant keep...
theres a war winning in my head,
voices tell me to run before im dead....
The cuts on my wrist run so deep,
when I go to bed I fear I wont wake from sleep....
Ill watch as all of the blood will leak,
in all of this despair im getting weak...
My hand shakes as I start to cut,
but I keep reminding myself to trust my gut...
saying I loved was the biggest lie I ever told,
my heart is to bitter,my soul to cold...
Im starting to fall,to loose my grip,
why dont you help me when I slip?
everyone left me bleeding on the floor,
I cant trust you wont leave my heart sore...
Now I can die,youre dead in my mind,
tired of looking for the love i'l never find...
I promise to include in a suicide letter,
the one person who might have made it better...
A contest entry
- Want To Win a Contest? by ArmorXForXSleep.
360 points, ended July 31, 2007, 154 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i realy like it i can relate so much its a great poem keep wrighting
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Hmmm the rhyming seems a little forced, but these are some powerful images and I like how you wish to get out of the darkness rather then wallow in it. It sounds a bit sing songy for something so dark though. I am sorry the person you love has broken you this way though. I really like the second stanza because it shows you aren't totally fallen yet, because to dream of clear wrists it means one day you can escape.
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thnx for being honest with it.
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i love the rhyme scheme in this poem. iffff you didnt realize already, i'm totally in love with rhyming. I think you did that here very effectivly. Usually I write in a ABAB format, so it was cool to see a AABB format. I think I will try to write a poem like this in the future.
Great work.
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I like this poem good flow and good rhyme very good and i like the story you told good ending i really like the lines
[I dream of clear wrist when I sleep,
I wont give promises I know I cant keep...]
very neat because it uses dreams as a sign of yearning often i have dreams of things i am yearning so good job here and good luck -
I am really not into the whole cutting poems, but I feel this poems holds much real emotions I think it is intense keeps the readers reading so I give this a A plus...thanks for commenting on my poem as well nice to meet you
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Very good
This is a very good poem. You hold the rhymes well. Although in some stanzas you get a little "wordy", there is still a pattern.
Stanza 3 is the only one that I think stumbles a little. "when I go to bed I fear I wont wake from sleep...." seems like it can be shortened to better fit the rest of the stanza. "I fear that I won't awaken from my sleep" or something like that. Just a suggestion.
All in all though, I think you have a real talent. Keep writing.
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this is probably my new favoriite i really really liked it
i'm sorry you're still feeling this way just hang in there kid okay
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Strong treatment of the theme of suicide and cutting, with good discipline in maintaining form and rhyme to the poignant and bitter ending.
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powerful
well done
i like it, alot
i like these lines: The cuts on my wrist run so deep,
when I go to bed I fear I wont wake from sleep....
keep on writing
S xx -
very good rhymes,a bit morbid thoug
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I love.love.love the ending!!!
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