i.
When the woman was a girl
the world was measured in big toes and
hands and she drew crosses for plaits
and watched her shadow dance
And when she was a girl
she watched ants migrate vast plains and
time drift past in shades of blue
and grey and white
She measured the world in big toes and
hands and it was large
ii.
When the woman is a girl
Somewhere before the quarter way point
with a body that bleeds and aches at will
she peers sideways to look as an outsider
for the first time at her profile
She is learning about power
This face is ridiculous: a nose points up at itself
cheeks too round, stuck in the past
angry eyebrows jut out without any decency
She is learning about guilt
iii.
The woman is still a girl and
the world is fading away
Bleached sunwhite ephemera parade and
the world collapses down to this whiteburning expanse
eyes closed
the confines of this skin
from here to here
are charged
eyes closed
she sees her hips and her ribs
spanning nothing
a bridge from her
to herself
Time is falling slow and the world is shrinking into herself
A contest entry
- Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Very Own Rounds Contest - Part One by Exodus.
600 points, ended September 4, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Like this...
reminds me of part of a foreign film "Wings of Desire" I saw several years ago..but have in my collection. "When the child was a child".... Good imagery, nice write.
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Just beautiful. I loved the transition between stanzas and sections. I'm not sure what else to say but thank you
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"Somewhere before the quarter way point
with a body that bleeds and aches at will
she peers sideways to look as an outsider
for the first time at her profile"
This just sums up reaching adulthood/womanhood for me. I'm stuck for words as it hits the nail on the head. Its like you where thinking 'outside the box' in order to write this in the way that you did.
Well done!!xx
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Awesome
I am spellbound by this poem - it's compelling to read.
Imagery - incredible
Storytelling - spot on
Form and Flow - excellent
Overall impression - masterful use of language, shows real craftsmanship and talent - love it. You 'took me there' and kept me there to the end
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My god, but this was totally engrossing, so powerful, so completely apt. So precisely and pointedly written that I'm sure even if I wasnt a woman who had been thru much of what you describe, I would still get it.
I am going to go find more of your work to read.
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WOW!
Wow! I think this poem is absolutely amazing. I LOVE contemporary poetry such as this one. It is a beautiful progression from childhood to old age, and how the woman still remains a child inside despite whatever happens to her on the outside. It is very raw, honest, and still told in a very lovely way. The first stanza is definitely my favorite: such beautiful, haunting images. Keep writing!
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I'm so glad you liked it.
When I wrote it the last section was actually a girl of about 19. That's why I said she is still a girl, but she has also become acutely aware of being a woman. She is lying on the beach and can only think about those that are looking at her. Her world is shrinking and she can no longer look out as she did in the previous sections.
I think young women are trained to be so aware of who's looking at them and how, that life can shrink into nothing more than your own skin and it becomes harder and harder to be anything and achieve anything. -
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Oh, I see now what you mean -- it is a poem about growing into a woman, and the fears that the girl faces while doing so. I guess I interpreted it a little differently, with the progression being from childhood to womanhood to old age
In the end, especially it seems as if she is growing old, since she feels the confines of skin and sees her body shrinking. But I guess thats just my own interpretation. I love your idea behind it
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powerful
What a wonderful poem . A descriptopn of every woman's life. It is overpowering with beauty!! Warm Regards...vivela
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