Here I lay,
Broken by grief.
I acted in despair.
When the first one died,
I thought of pain.
When the second died,
I thought of revenge.
I needed a place for blame,
I put it on her.
Revenge I would take,
In the form of death.
An ax would do perfectly,
As I raised it above my head,
While my wife was lying there,
I thought of my kids.
I thought of my grief.
I thought of my pain.
I came down on her head with a blow,
Splitting tissue and bone.
It was her fault they died,
Why must I cry?
I thought of what I had done,
In grief I had killed her,
I thought I'd ease my pain,
But much it had caused,
Now I leave this world with nothing,
I commit now.
Author notes
hello i'm Andy27 and I hope you all enjoy my work(mostly on storywrite)
A contest entry
- Suicide Notes by Nobody Royale.
725 points, ended July 11, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Strike my emotions and Join my AP Family by Diggs McGee.
468 points, ended July 20, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Demented Options -- Unlimited Entries, Prewrites / DP Allowed!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
525 points, ended July 13, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - General: Free Verse, Rhyme and Everything Else by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 140 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very, very best. (I mean it.) by Profesh.
875 points, ended October 3, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i wrote this in October of 05
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I just now realized that I had made up my mind to start my comment about this piece with a discussion on why "untitled" is a blase and generally poor choice of title. After reading your piece however, a writing on a man stripped of all individuality and meaning - left only with revenge. A man who has no purpose or aim - who can only hate - I am left thinking that you could not have chosen the title better. Furthermore, the reader is struck by (rather than hindered by) the complete absence of backstory. We don't know this family, this man, his wife, or the women she has supposedly done in (or even the manner of doing for that matter). In this sense, any other title might have been inappropriate. So, I have completed a 180 degree turn and utterly reverse my previous thinking. I can now say, after having read the piece, that if genius exists within its passages it may be found in the choice of heading. Well done.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
yikes!
-
Eerie!
This was a shockingly haunting write.
It took me by complete surprise.
I read this poem in a state of unbelief.
You held my attention very well.
A grizzly piece with some terrifying images.
Very intense!
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well done...my favorite line
I needed a place for blame,
I put it on her.
good luck and thank you for your entry -
great write, youre an amazing writer
you failed to follow rule #9 in my contest, though
so im afriad i have to dq you
im sorry
youre an amazing writer, though. keep it up!
Muffin Girl
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