Secretly holding a flame in my hand
Burning like embers
Surrounded by sand
Wanting out loud
Tearing me in half
Shout it out proud
Stand on my behalf
You may never know what I feel inside
Burning like embers
Are feelings I hide
You are everything
I need you evermore
Without, I am nothing
Just outside the door
Can you hear my heart when it is night?
Burning like embers
Turmoil is my fight
Deeper into madness
Needing you to touch
Surrounded by sadness
For wanting too much
Burning in flames that remain day after day
No longer just embers
But an inferno at play
Author notes
I choose your poem "The Fire".
A contest entry
- Your BEST Prewrite! - For Mike [degarmo] - by Never Fall in Love.
950 points, ended October 29, 2007, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love by Ethereal Bard.
316 points, ended May 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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very good good choice
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Nice poem good luck in the contesdt this is my favorite part
Deeper into madness
Needing you to touch
Surrounded by sadness
For wanting too much
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you almost got it to cliche- it's kind of between a cliche poem, and a good poem- not quite either- if you had just pushed it a little stronger, lol.
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Wow maybe the embers part of the write is cliche~ but other than that, and if that... would I say... This is incrediably good! I love the format.... The flow... is great.... wow.... I really liked this.... It definately deserves an award, I'm just not sure if it would be a cliche award.
Thanks so much for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck... remember I am only the host, not the judge.
I still like it.... nice job!
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This is my new favourite poem
I'm surprised I haven't already commented on this. I can relate to this a lot and of course you know that ^^ It flows better than any of my work and anything else I've read, it reads to me like a song but with more emphasis on the lyrics than in music...In a word I can sum up what this poem left me feeling: Speechless.
I see you've had a few comments, mostly by people who don't understand which would frustrate me-have you been entering contests>? ^^
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really nice. Full of fire and passion. I can see an emptied bottle of emotion saturate this piece. Well done,
keep it up-
-Creatress- -
understood clearly, i thought, the first time around. very nice. i think it is good as is.............
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Very nice, though a bit hard to undersstand at first. I like it keep up the good work!
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wow amzing poemi love it and i to have felt that way more then once... keep up the great work
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OMG!
i freaking love you now! my friends never understand why i cant show my true feelings and the effect it leaves when it can't get out. you are amazing!
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I like the contrast of one long line and three short ones. Puts emphasis on those stanzas.
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I love this!
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