For Graeme

"I would relive every second of it
If it meant that I’d have more time
To say goodbye."

I still see you, when I’m walking down the street,
Sometimes just a glimpse, a flash in the corner of my eye.
Other times you are walking straight towards me.
And then you’ll disappear, like sand through my fingers.

You are the smile on a stranger's face,
The cool summer breeze on the back of my neck.
You are the rain that soaks me to the bone,
The wind that bites hard in winter.

I remember you, strong, fit and healthy.
Walking to get the paper, stirring the gravy for dinner.
Just doing the everyday things that were a part of you.

I remember you, lying in bed, weak and dying.
Colourless like the glass you couldn't lift.
Smiling gently, trying to convince us
that everything was going to be ok.

These memories creep up and tear me down.
They immobilise me, like a winded child.
I am caught forever remembering your face.
Trying so hard not to forget you and
yet wanting so hard for it all to go away.