a warm half moon winks in the eastern sky
the clouds of afternoon have left it clear
as evening slips among the city streets
two people walk hand in hand along a wall
the colours of their clothing fading to gray
the pattern of her dress is lost to sight
on the sidewalk she sees a pretty sight
revealed by lamps better than day lit sky
the fingered spread of leaf edges gray on gray
chestnut shadows, the city emblem clear
youngsters share a laugh sitting on a wall
as night reclaims the verdant parks and streets
the couple walks through their familiar streets
with evening errand goers still in sight
a homeless dog curls up beside a wall
the first stars open eyes in the sky
celestial night vision bright and clear
when human sight is limited to gray
at night they may remember Soviet gray
while shadows stalk the enterprising streets
but neon tubing lights a sign so clear
a commissar would shudder at the sight
as people turn their faces to the sky
and year by year forget the iron wall
the cathedral is surrounded by a wall
whitewashed to purify the concrete gray
baring fervent hearts to the listening sky
unnoticed in modernity of streets
calling for renaissance of medieval sight
when relationship of men and God was clear
the warmth of summer stays calm and clear
as our couple reaches their own home wall
it is time to rest from activity and sight
to let the day and its trials fade in gray
to vacate squares and clean the littered streets
to leave all movement to the circling sky
the half moon shines clearly on urban gray
a cat beside the wall scrounges the streets
nothing is out of sight beneath the sky
Author notes
Form
http://shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/sestina.html
In a list
A contest entry
- Winklings #1 October Contest:: Allpoetry and Winklers Partner! by Lyndon.
875 points, ended October 15, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Congrats on your gold; I firsthand know how difficult a sestina is to compose so hats off to you for all your efforts! I liked the historical feel and unassuming flow this piece possessed. I found it interesting that it had no punctuation (e e cumings style) but it seemed to work to your advantage, meandering as a narrative told so well by you with each subtle description & detail you provided for a reader's enjoyment. Thank you for a poem of beauty. Belle
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Brilliant
I am new to the sestine form of poetry. Considering the fact this is the first sestina I have read, you have succeeded in making the form a beautiful one that I want to explore. Being a history student, your write is very interesting. The Iron Wall first throws a picture of the Berlin Wall, then Soviet Gray a piercing jet into Russian political situation. I am first of all glad to see poetry with contemporary reference to the Ukraine independence struggle. You have proved to all that poetry can indeed have a strong social view point. Brilliant! Though the length is a bit tedious to tread through, I found the poem great in it's entirety and nuances. -
Hello, Margaret.
(i) Critiqued on its quality as a poem of its form, I must say this is a top-rated sestina.
(ii) Have you something to say?
Definitely. You have talked us through an evening stroll in post-Soviet Kyiv. And, in doing so, you have given details and reflections which probably are an improvement on a slide show, no matter how enlightening.
(iii) Is it worth saying? Oh, yes, I think so. You have given a wonderful glimpse in place and time of one of Eastern Europe's old cities.
(iv) Has it been said well? Yes! The wonderful introduction is followed by an account of the city and its topography at evening and its history of former times when values were more stable and straightforward. All this is done with precision within the tough discipline of the Sestina. In fact the unassuming casual flow of this discourse belies the artistry involved through necessary repetitions of the form. You have made use of and overcome both positivities and limitations of this old French form.
(v) Is the poetic line strong and aesthetically pleasing?
Yes. I value this, the last criterion of mine.
Line one is memorable figuratively and atmospherically speaking:
"a warm half moon winks in the eastern sky"
and the descriptive metaphor in:
"the fingered spread of leaf edges gray on gray"
leaves one in no doubt that you have done more than follow a verse formula. The way that the word "gray" has so many associations in situ through this poem speaks for artistic intent.
Ron.
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This title sounds very familiar. I think I read and commented on it somewhere before. I thought you painted a vivid image of the evening. It was so deswcriptive I could picture the scene in my head.
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Bravo!
Oh my. This is beautifully powerful in Sestina form. When one attempts this form, it becomes a labor of love. I enjoyed this very much. Your opening line is stellar. Excellent. ~Pamela
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Bravo
I have been practising the Sestina and I know full well what a hard form this is, you have truly written a great one here. Well done Margaret I applaud your work and wish you well in the contest. Val
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G'day. Well, I did get a taste
of Kyiv. It is in Ukraine. Found it in an Atlas. You either live there as a resident or as a visitor. I can see that.
You use pretty words like "verdant", "stars open eyes".
This poetry is like the one in my boss's wife's library. Only it was written during the Great War and the poem is about some place in France. Kyiv. But for coming here, I wouldn't have thought about it, come to think of it!
Yeah, I like the way you show us the city by manufacturing a walk. First, we know the moon is up and it is warm. I mean the moon (?)
What I sit up and look at this, "evening slips among the city streets" I see this is new stuff to me. I reckon that bit is real poetry.
Do you mean "gray on gray" or "gray on chestnut shadows"?
We have all kinds of gray and green in Australia. What is "Soviet gray"? Does anyone know?
A summery night under a half-moon - not a bad place to put a couple for your poem.
Now, I counted seven verses. Six were sestets and there is a tercet at the end. I had to research this with Mrs Jensen the Boss's wife. The lines are more or less even.
And, we agree that you managed the job arithmetically with the words sky, clear, streets, wall, gray, sight.
You have "clearly" in the tercet, but Mrs J. says that is acceptable.
You use common speech most of the time and that suits me. This form is imposed repetition but it seems to work well when Mrs J reads it to me.
I like the rounded vowel sounds, meself. As a grazier, I know exactly what you mean by "the circling sky", except I love the Southern Cross which Kyiv has not got! Yep. We got a lovely walk and it seems so real as though it is happening right now. Beaut details.
Do not take this harshly but as a compliment. I think you are a conservative lady who loves tradition. Am I right?
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I am not master of sestina perhaps have no clue how to write them....ive never attempted to....im a lazy guy...this is well written though...and though I think to much of gray and the wall...the city of kiev is a sleeping blossom soon to bud...I will dwell on this a bit...thanks for entering this lovely piece...
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Is this Kiev?
I've never see that spelling before, but it seems that this might be set in Russia so perhaps it is Kiev with a different spelling? Anyway, this is an interesting poem. I've only written a couple of these. It's a lot of work to do them, and I certainly have to give you a lot of credit for that. Sestinas always give me a headache -- at least if I'm trying to write one.
Anyway, nice job on this one.
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Thank you Jim. Yes, it is Kiev in Russian, Kyiv in Ukrainian. Ukraine is finding independence a challenge, as we see from Sunday's election and no government declared yet.
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Yes. I see ...
that now. It seems that peoples who have had no history with democracy have a great deal of trouble adjusting to it, and seldom really do that easily. Unfortunately, what often happens is that the people revert to voting for various forms of craziness, such as rightwing religious dictatorships. Hopefully nothing so outre or outrageous will happen in the Ukraine, however. It seems that much of Asia is undergoing similar upheavals and problems.
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Clarity of the the ordinary is not ordinary at all. It is not just that this is a view of a distant city I can never visit except in imagination fostered by detail, but by its easy immediacy, I breathe its air, and feel its gentle breeze, and for the moment, I am there.
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Terry, thank you for coming on this evening walk with me.
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Thank you for your entry
dear poet. For the moment, I wish you good fortune with this poem of Ukraine's capital.
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This is well done and about a place that is fascinating too. A sestina is not easy to write. Great! Thank you for entering the contest.
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Kiev is an interesting city I believe, a gem emerging from years of Soviet grime. A nicely-written poem! On a related (well, no it's not) point: did you know that the dish known as "Chicken à la Kiev" is known in Kiev itself as "Chicken Moscow" ? No, I didn't think you knew that. And of course there are as many different ways of spelling Kiev as there are ways of making Chicken Kiev!
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Thank you Edna, I'm happy you enjoyed. I have been living in Kyiv for 10 months, have you been here?
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No I have never been to Ukraine, only Lithuania (Vilnius*****, Kaunas**, Klaipeda***,) Latvia(only Liepaja, which was ghastly) and bits of Poland.
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I like the home theme you took on to work with this form (which presented itself in Soviet gray) and though I wasn't scrutinizing the form itself, I let the idea of the new Ukraine wash over me through your eyes as you take your evening stroll, lit by your avatar. The form must have worked well because I didn't find it distracting. (maybe evening slips along in the 3rd l.?)
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dear margaret,
it feels good to read a relaxing poem like this tonight ... you are a master in "show, don't tell", an art I have not yet been able to fully embrace ... I don't know about sestina neither, but this form seems just perfect for telling a story ...
you put a lot of heart and effort into this poem, my dear sister, and I truly hope that the big jack-pot will go your way ...
crossing fingers, toes and eyes, as always ...
marion
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True mastery
Like watching any master of form, this so speaks to me the fluid beauty of true art. Such a vivid picture in muted tones, such a touching tale of life at the close of day. Thanks you and break a leg inthe contest!
Be ever blessed and bright, Rahad
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WOW! 8,000 points!
Not only is this gold worthy this is publishable good. I think this is the best piece you have EVER written. Vivid imagery with each word seen and felt by your readers. SPECTACULAR!!!
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Thank you Sea! I hope it is good enough for this contest!
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