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Working for what?

I’m tried of working myself into an early grave
What do you think? I’m your personal slave
You never give all you do is take and take
I’m tried of this crap I need a break

Fifty-five plus hours every single week
I’m sick and tried and I feel so bleak
You’re my landlord, my boss, and a vampire
Go ahead and fire me if you so desire

Every cent I make goes towards rent
No change in my pocket, not even lent
You suck the life out of me until I’m dry
There’s nothing left not even a tear to cry

My son hates me cause I’m never home
This makes me sad and I feel all alone
Please tell me what I’m working for?
All I do is work, no life I’m a real bore

I try and tell you what I feel and think
You say I need therapy go see a shrink
Moaning and groaning has gotten me nowhere
Cause in all honesty you really don’t care

All you care about is the all mighty buck
News flash you’re the reason my life suck
I’ve taken a moment to let this all out
So later I won’t have to scream or shout

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • lesbian-in-love
    October 12, 2007

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    Wow. I am just at a lose for words. You are such a great poet. I love reading your work. Thanks again for yet another wonderful read.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 3, 2007

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    Well earned voicing of your complaints....If he would listen..Well written.. How many like you have this complaint....I would even though not perfect rhyme use sucks...because that is the proper word....Sounds like daddyo needs to have a reality check about sharing the load...You are one tired Mamma, wife and woman! Liked your form, and frank straight talking and some humour!
    ...Love your Penguins hugging....I love penguins....That is precious! Sometime I may ask for the photo for a poem.....if you don't mind!


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    July 8, 2007

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    Promise...sing

    Perhaps it is worthwhile taking time out to view other options ... in France for example the maximum working week is 35 hours and minimum holiday around 6 weeks

    Without wishing to question the message and while sharing outrage against societal exploitation perhaps this composition could benefit from tightening so as to heighten the effect while retaining the underlying emotion intact.

    Also ... freewill exists and there are ways and means to switch from over exploitation to 'pure' exploitation or

    Hoping this is construed as constructive criticism ...


    • kooleyes
      July 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your words. I dont know what else to say other than thank you.


  • Foxydaze14
    July 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this whole poem is so intense. I don't dislike this, but I just think that it needs a little tweaking. I don't like how, whinny it is.


    • kooleyes
      July 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yea it a little intense but it was how i was feeling at that moment. Any help on tweaking is welcome. Thanks Jen

1 - 6 of 6