Out on the front stoop she waves,
fresh and flirty as a spring maiden,
all supple and windswept.
I ask her about the war,
how it's going.
She doesn't answer-
never says a word,
but God she's so beautiful,
I can barely take my eyes from her.
A contest entry
- 24 Hour Contest :The Rent is Due... by Nicole Hanna.
600 points, ended June 26, 2007, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is an amazing piece, brings an instant lump to the throat, I love the sentiment. Well done.
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Nice conversation of the flag our fathers had flown, and fore fathers had bathed in the revolution's ideals. Beautiful imagry.
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WOW
I really must congratulate you on this poem. It is RARE that I read something on this site that completely takes my breath away but this is one of the best poems I have EVER read.
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This is great...lol
Love this one
Congrats...
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Congrats
congratulations on third ... well deserved ... keep writing ... and keep smiling ... this piece was good ... maybe you can make something bigger from this smaller idea ... good job
much luv
sparkeh -
This is so witty. I loved the attitude and personality. Very nice.
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Loved the last four lines. Actually, the last six lines. You could just have those lines and they would still say just as much, maybe more even because then we can read many different things into the piece. You've captured why short writes are so incredibly appealing to me.
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How could you reduce this to the last six lines? You do realize this is about the flag? Of course it has to be on the front porch and waving. *rolling my eyes*
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in fairness to Nicole
Her last-six-lines comment was directed at an earlier, and wordier, version... Of course I didn't really take that advice, but did reshape the first stanza to be more woman and less flag lol -
The title suggests the flag well enough, which is why I said you could do without the first three lines. Personal preference only.
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The genius of this poem is that it presents this glorious image which is then given a chance to speak up and doesn't do it and yet, despite that, it is so beautiful and appealing not only to its citizens, who so want to believe in its image, but to people around the world who keep hoping that she will open her mouth.
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Old Glory is the lightning rod even within our own society. Many scorn her, seeing her only as the moniker of an arrogant and corrupt government. But many of us see her as a symbol of hope, as having a certain purity of purpose, the vessel of ideals...
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yes, I see her that way too, believe me.
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Don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those if-you-burn-the-flag-I-will-hunt-you-down-and-kill-you sorts... to me, even that movement is a corruption of the ideals embodied in her.
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