Vast--
and still,
(all empty,
the road stretches)
The hills roll on past,
lit up in the pale glow
of a half-moon. Out here, I'm free--
keep going, I could leave this place.
(dis)appear-- the road open, and still...
Author notes
Composed last night while driving
A contest entry
- Experimental and Visual by Anastasiya.
687 points, ended June 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very impressive. Did you notice that if you print out your poem and put a mirror on top of the sheet, it will appear in a half-moon shape. So far, this poem is one my favorites in this contest.
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shorty but a sweetie.
Keep it up!
-creatress -
its short but really good
-suicidal revenge-
-
mmmm
lovely :]
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Wow, I love this, though I'm not sure I get it...
I often write similar to this, as in a way that barely anyone has any idea what I've written...
But it's always hard to judge...
This is great!
Thanx for posting!
Amber
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There is an oppportunity in this piece to personify the road, emptyness and freedom.
Begin with "I could leave this place" and phrase the lines in first person.
vast and still,
a half-moon lit lit up,
all empty
a road still open,
I am free, lit up
I could disappear a pale glow`
the hills roll past,
etc etc
just ideas,
-df- -
the message is put out nicely in the way the poem is wrote
-
This looks like that form where each line adds a syllable (but the name escapes me). The moon and hills images are a little cliche' but tightly crafted anyway, and I like the way the title finishes the ending.
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I like this, but I think you could have gone alot further with the visual, mix up the vocabulary. Wonderful thing about our language: twenty words mean basically the same thing, so don't limit yourself!
Otherwise I love it. It made me feel lonely, yet...hopeful too. I can't explain it, like that feeling that you want someone to find you but you get tired of waiting and decide to get up and go find someone who'd ask where you were instead?
I guess that's the only way I can explain it. Awesome write! -
I really liked this poem. It was different and short. I love it when you can get a visual and feeling in short words. Well done.
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w.o.w
omg...i love it...you have a talent for painting images.....nice work......the last line is my fave!
i love how ya have the (dis)appear...this could be taken in soo many ways.. it all depends on who reads it.....to me the way you put that word means that you could easily fade away, but part of you will still appear..or at least wants to appear......
i dont know if that is how you wanted that to taken..but i love it!!!!!!!
keep writing
keep smiling
keep the peace
........lala
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haha...wow
..I too have the same problem as you..you seem to have a very distinct style though..for some reason..people who are rhyming and stating openly in their work don't get any credit around here
oh well....we shall ban together and make an army of underestimated poets and join the circus..but..it will be a poetry circus and the elephants will be giant stanzas....we will be the tamers of new poetic heights...ok..I've gone too far...but I did really enjoy this write..ha..
for some reason.the title and the last line really held hands with each other
"(dis)appear-- the road open, and still..."
genius man..genius
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