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The Peyote Way

Missing image

I swallow
sweet offerings
medicine divine
confined never more
to shell or time

blue corn maiden
dusted in dream
starbound kachina
wind dancing in mystery
history of generations
reveal on a single pollen grain

music flows from my pores
crystalline notes
orchestrated in light
written on rainbow
connecting earth to sky

dream clad lyrics~
dharma
from honey licked blossoms
of painted sacred sand
temporal, I am
born of Bitter Water to
the Red House clan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 39 of 39

  • Nam
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    "reveal on single pollen grain" - I understand the use of "on" in this line, going with the line above but I also feel at the same time, it's really not needed in the line, and perhaps would work better without it.

    Other than that, a good poem that you have written here.

    -Nam

    • Luna Tique Fringe gold member
      June 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...
      question: you don't think it alters the meaning?

      history of generations
      reveal single pollen grain

      I wasn't meaning to say it revealed the grain, but that the history was revealed on the grain (corn pollen, sacred to the Navajho & Hopi)

      Don't take this as bitch and moan...I'm trying to understand why you don't think it's needed,
      if you have time

      maybe I'm just dense, lol.

      • Nam
        June 6
        Edit | Reply
        It does change the meaning but does it change the meaning for the better or for the worse in your opinion? I just don't feel the use of the word "on" works too well. Perhaps a variant if not what I suggest.

        -Nam

  • Buried in Black
    January 21
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, so serene. it gave me such a good feeling of relaxation reading this

  • Nicole Hanna
    December 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I was a little torn while reading this, until those last two lines hit me like a brick. Those did me in and totally sold me on this piece. I think it was that kind of choppy imagery that seems to be (in my head) associated with fruit bowl poetry that turns me off, but you ended this poem at the perfect time, and with two extremely powerful lines. Loved it. Thanks for entering.
  • Silent Hawk gold member
    August 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well Stated

    I was intrigued given the title of the piece. I am glad I took the time to see where you were going with this. I believe it is a winner or it should be. You are never disappoint in the quality of your writing. Maybe one day I will be as good an author, seriously. Thanks for sharing.


  • zochit2me gold member
    August 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Luna

    You just amaze me...need I say more?
    I'm sure Tim is wanting you to share
    Wonderfully written from a bank.
    Becky


  • cherche -d -ame gold member
    August 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this spoke to me in a very spiritual way , even though that I can not by knowledge lay any claim to American Native heritage. But just because I can't , does not necessarily mean that ther is not [for I believe strongly that somehow we are one] It was almost as if there was a touch of comfort by "grandfather Peyote]<------may he be of human or flora origin. I am amazed that such a spiritual write came from a wordbank. You must think me completely "off my rocker" but somehow I also feel that wordbank was created just for you [even though I am sure that many others had the same words] You were able to have it reach out and touch with much more than just words. I owe you thanks for sharing this , so please accept my applause not just because I enjoyed your write [let it be a small token of thank you as well]
    Blessed Be,
    reenie

  • Master Anarchy
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Pay or Tea Dream, Has Granddad yet added Cream to the Sugar?

    wind dancing in stream?

    a "form follows function/medium is the message" question arises. Should there be a rhyme scheme? And should it perhaps pass through a random/chaotic phase before levelling out, a la the Peyote Concourse of Forces/Farces?

    Good so far. A similar subject was treated of by Desire, but more adulatory in outcome than this. So far.

    ?"reveal" or "revel"?

    use of tillda...similar to elipses, and here, sadly, adding little~~~

    although in multiple it does look(!) good.

    dharma - we step outside the tradition usually associated with said substance. Crow dharma? Sioux dharma? Apache dharma? unsettled, unkarma?

    Red House Clan? Congrats.
    Astaer Dutikou 161
    aka
    Master Anarchy
    Elder and Seldom Senior of
    the ApaiedA Vudu Zulu Tribe.
    (Native American Church..aha: Be
    Take Care, wee one.)


  • Onerogueleft
    June 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Ever amazing

    I feel a better person in so many ways having been able to read your works. I always walk away with a sense of a learned experience. Awesome.


  • deep space
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    it would be great if you could write one about acid,man that stuff was amazing.
    A beautiful poem with imagery and spiritual feelings through out it.

    . Rewarded 4


  • ventus11
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, that was amazing,that was the best poem i've read this year. you are extemly talented, this poem sticks out from the other thousands of average poems. keep up the good work

    . Rewarded 4


  • storiesuntold gold member
    June 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    A very well penned poem here keep up the great vision


  • suseann
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful native descriptive piece. "BORN OF THE BITTER WATER(LIFE HUMAN STRIFE),and red house clan,(native). Loved it,this line in particular. Great poetic verse poet!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Dobbie73rip
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    great window into your culture

    It sounds so beautiful. I think we should all try to be one with nature. I love your poem very much. Very creative.

    . Rewarded 4


  • rollingzen
    June 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    with true reverence


  • Peteskid gold member
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sense of a spiritual connection here, some appreciable depth to this writng reflective of a meaningful experience...well done...PK

    . Rewarded 4


  • Lonewolf2008 gold member
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well, well

    most interesting write, with flights of fantasy ansd shrouded in mystery. hope you do not smoke too much of that and have long trip. Have tried it and a journey you would be on.

    . Rewarded 4


  • ImogenSky
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Mmm I love this poem, it seems like it would want to be sung instead of spoken...you have a very fluid choice of words in here....I'm absolutely in love with it
  • LimelightLiason
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is an amazing write. i especially like the part where you say "written on rainbow, connecting earth and sky" the whole poem just oozes with color and feeling. almostin a sort of sensory overload. i can hear a very abstract piece of guitar music in my head when i read this. i am definitely gonna noodle around with that later.

    . Rewarded 6


  • Creatress silver member
    June 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is breath taking. Transcends.
    I swallow
    sweet offerings
    medicine divine
    confined never more
    to shell or time
    Nicely done,
    Sends
    Creatress

  • esroddo silver member
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding poem

    Your words and talent left me speechless. You have a way with words. As sure winner with out a doubt. I love this stance (LISA)
    "blue corn maiden
    dusted in dream
    starbound kachina
    wind dancing in mystery
    history of generations
    reveal on single pollen grain"


  • Floorboards
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    aw, this is just amazing, the imagery and words you've used are fantastic, very well done indeed my friend,
    i love it,
    Alex.


  • Whoochi gold member
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Lun, you must come visit me here in Arizona and I will take you on some native American reservations and we will spend days with them and the culture is phenomenal, and just when you thought you could not learn any more, there is just one more thing, and then one more thing..well done...seriously enjoyed this....


  • Pure Thought silver member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'history of generations revealed on a single pollen grain'
    This line says volumes, the whole work extremely well done.
    Thank you for sharing
    Buddy

  • moonwolf
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Luna,

    Someday,we'll talk,really talk but not today

    Great write, I see colors already and stand with ash covering my upper body

  • ellipsist
    June 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    powerful...incredible

    I love the flow and imagery


  • aliceramone silver member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a great write...I had peyote a couple of times...don't know too much native american heritage but I am a big fan of Tom Brown jr. and we use to build debris huts in the wilderness...a great trip that you take the reader on here with good imagery and the third stanza is excellent


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    June 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Once more concerning your poetry, Wow! The poem itself is a sacred trip. Hope you win the contest


  • soulfultia gold member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was an excellent penning, I love when you touch your heritage with your work. This had a wonderful flow and almost danced in my head as I read through the lines with your fabulous rhythm. Great work! ~Tia


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Had a nice natural rhythm to it.... in places felt a little over worded. But I liked this piece..


  • tomisb gold member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Been there, more than you will know. What impress me is that you caught the rythmn and the dream without going gaga. Well down, little one
    Love, Tom B.


  • ariosto gold member
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is grand
    I know enough of this to identify
    I even read Castenada!!

    'born of Bitter Water
    to the Red House Clan'

    love it!

1 - 39 of 39