Arms entwined around the stone
Now just the name is seen
The dates of birth and death unknown
They're trapped beneath the green
Leaves contort in Winter's hold
With veins to mock the dead
And in the breathy burnished cold
They'll weave a spider's web
Here Lies Eliza Bonnie Hart
Here lies her tawdry frame
Here lies her life in every part
Here lies her dateless name
A contest entry
- Inspire me by Moon Raven.
450 points, ended June 30, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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You develop very vivid images in this, it's almost as if I was in the graveyard looking at the poor woman's headstone myself. I like the last bit, with the repetition of 'here lies'.
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A very weighty yet ephemeral poem with much poignance
and a haunting effectiveness. A terrific read. -
I love this. There used to be a cemetary close by and when in despair I would walk there and sit for hours. Reading of those who had passed, pondering on the life I still have. Great job expressing this.. Thanks so much for sharing.
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The title caught my eye, but I was hooked after the first line...I love to wander cemetaries, read gravestones, wonder about the people they were. Wonderful rythym also
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Excellent Write!
Your writing is always vivid allowing the reader to clearly view the scenes as they are read. From beginning to end each line flows as one continuous thought.
Thank you for sharing your heart.
Peace in light and love -
There is an old folk song entitled "Two Sisters" or more popularly "Wind and Rain." Check it out. Your poem brings this song to mind.
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epic
`This is an awesome poem. Rarely do i find something so thought provoking in such a short piece. Nice work.
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Stunning
My grandmother's name was Elizabeth Hart. She died of cancer when I was just a baby. I wonder who she was. I wonder who all my other mothers were-10,000 generations.
I think I know-they were all the same!
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Thank you for commenting on my "Eliza Lies". Fascinating stuff - I wonder who Elizabeth Hart really was!
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Classic, Moribund
I enjoyed this. I have an penchant for graveyards. Reminds me of Emily.
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Thank you for your comments - very much appreciated! I am blushing at all the wonderful things people are saying about me! I'm sure I do not deserve such praise. Thanks again. Stephanie x
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Thanks so much for ytour kind comment - I appreciate you taking a look at y work! Peace and light. Stephanie x
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Wow! I love the way you wove the English language here!
You have a refreshing style! Keep it up!
-cheers.
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting on my work - much appreciated!
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Wow, this is simply awesome. Saw it on in the "In the spotlight" section of the site, and I definitely understand why someone chose to put it there. The imagery and the ideas are strong and vivid, a painful picture. The rhythm and rhyming are also fabulous and only enhance the piece.
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So glad you enjoyed my poetry - makes me want to write more! Cheers!
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Stephanie,
This is one of the very best. Ihave it bookmarked, and read it quite often.
Glad to see it on the front page.
Joe -
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Thank you for your wonderful words of support and encouragement - you make me want to write more!
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So glad I clicked! I am always impressed and gratified to find a poet who can convey a full-blown story in such precise forms. Your images are evocative and colorful. A fine read, indeed. Like others, I will have to check out more of your work. Thanks for sharing this.
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wow this is so amazing!!!!
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This is amazing, I felt my heart drop at the end of this as so many lives end in this sad dateless, nameless ways. Best to you
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Why bother with accolades!
You once again proved why your one of allpoetry's best lyricists. You have the uncanny ability of making a poem flow like wine. Everything I read you work, it's like a harp playing. Also, your mastery of the English language has few equals. I'm no longer surprised and amazed by your work. I expect it to be the best. -
Wow, I can definitely see why this got spotlighted. It flows beautifully, and doesn't feel forced at all. Good tight rhyming, very well said. I think I shall have to gander through the rest of your work now
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BEAUTIFUL
that about sums it up....I loved this!! best wishes and luck in contest
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"...the breathy, burnished cold." A very fetching choice of words that draw me to this person's grave. Very beautiful.
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I think this is good, what you have so far. It reminds me of a song called "Allysa Lies" which is about child abuse and is actually a very heartbreaking song. But, I think this could definately be added to.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
MORE!!! I love 'gothic' poetry. Tried to write it once, failed miserably. You seem to have the 'nack' though. Your mission, should you accept it, is to write a old school gothic poem of at least 6 stanzas. Get cracking.
This text will self destruct in 5...4....3.. -
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Mission accepted - I will report back when I have something!
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Well done poet. Do the spirits name themselves as they possess you? A wonderful muse you have my friend.
Peace in light and love
Noah
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Fantastic poem. Really lovely, archaic feel to it. I can see the scene and you made me connect to it. Well done indeed.
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I like it.
Favorite lines:
Leaves contort in Winter's hold
With veins to mock the dead
Least favorite:
They'll weave a spider's web
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Most Excellent
I am in awe. Has Poe came back in your form?
Joe
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Wow I am so happy that you like my poetry! You have made my day. BTW the cat in your picture is just like my pet cat, Ria!
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your thoughts hold romance, very inspiring to have read!
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oh I like this...very creative. The repetition in the final stanza creates a real sense of finality. The leaves veins mocking the dead is an interesting image/line as well. Very well done.
Rory
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That is very clever and very well worded. It does sound like you took a stroll through a cemetery and pondered a weatherbeaten stone. Well, kudos all the wame, a very enjoyable read.
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So, where does this come from
I'm impressed by this work and wonder where what inspired you. A moment of sadness or walk alone through a cemetary.
Thanks for the read
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PRETTY COOL AND NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN
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What a beautiful imagination and amazingly written. Just love it, this line was so powerful and raise the spirits in me...and shows how optimistic u are.. this line is beautifully said
"they're trapped beneath the green"
this one expresses the poetic quality in you n i luvd d way the flow great job!!!!
thanks for sharing this one wid us....! best of luck for more of ur writes..im jus impressed
God bless,
Mansoor
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I just wanted to add Good Luck in the contest with this excellent poem xx
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An Excellent Poem !!
This is so beautifully written.You painted a wonderful picture with your words,without making the poem to dark although its a dark subject.That is a very difficult balance to achieve,but you have done it so well.Bravo!! A really excellent poem xx -
Wow, this is really good. I just imagine pushing back the brush. Good luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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this is a good read i hope you win the contest
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Your ability to write about anything puts the reader in awe. Your imagery in this piece had me walking through an old graveyard viewing the headstones. I have spent countless hours in old cemeteries doing just that since I work on my family genealogy. I could picture myself doing a tombstone rubbing to try to find the dates for Eliza. I could almost see the moss entwining itself around her tombstone. The use of the name Eliza was brillant in itself, for it is a very old name and never used today, at least not that I have heard of. Very well done my friend. Your friend in Poetry, Mysty Rain
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This is a very delightful poem. I like graveyard poems- ill link one of mine. I read this clearly as observational; the arms being the soil slowly subsuming the monument. I thought perhaps the arms belonged to one grieving, but I suspect miss Eliza has been sleeping quite a long time...
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2742872 -
fantastic
very well written, enjoyable and perfect - a pleasure to read - well done, your friend tony yates, p.s. strong imagery -
BRAVO
Oh, this IS superb! Absolutely perfect scansion! The entire poem is done in the classic tradition and certainly well worthy of the old masters! I loved this poem, I absolutely loved it! Excellent in every regard! BRAVO...BRAVO...BRAVO...
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I love the first two stanzas. They paint a pretty picture with added rhyme and wonderful wording. The last stanza wasn't very powerful, but it does sum it up well. Good write. Good luck in my contest.
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This is a nice poem
i like this poem it is cool. -
A completely stark and dark dirge of a poem that was extremely effective in creating an unknown atmosphere and a sobering tone. Best of luck in the contest with this very fine poem.
David Michaels
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