6am,
a kitchen table
strewn with empties,
dirty dishes & fag ash;
burn holes behold
as evidence.
Half a litre of white lightning
left, tight.
Mouth dry,
hands wrung out
& wakeful,
mourns time.
He unscrews the day.
In a list
A contest entry
- 55 words... (one day only) by AJ Morelli.
500 points, ended July 2, 2007, 31 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I just adored this... I see so many people every day who just cannot unscrew the day.
I hope all is well with you! It has been a LONG time since I have stepped foot in here. The break was needed. Anway... I knew my favorite poets would not disappoint me.
The memories this brings up in myself from college also hit me smack on the nose lol
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Great poem Gill
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Oh... do I ever remember morning like this. I hate the thought but love th poetry you've weaved, I am smitten by the brevity, and know it was a requirement of the contest. Congratulations on earning the Bronze. You never cease to amaze me! I hope all is well with you Gil. Please forgive my absence from your pages. I adore your poetry. Congratulations!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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oh dear. been dere. mouth all dry head pounding, trying to remember just what it was that so important I hadda get outta bed--
how u doin over dere? no blowed up are ya? new gov you got intent upon keeping you scared outta yer wits so's they can put more cameras up? Hey! seen on the news they gots an itty aeroplane what flies around taking u piccure. you members to ut u make-up on to go out on the stoop to get "The Times!"
I was just saying, (I always saying something), that the best poems come from the observation of the mundane and the simple.
Critical review me, erudite and scholarly. Like dat worm, off him; gettin more eddicated alla time.
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This could well be explaining how hard a life time is, because I can relate to this as well. Good job!
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Fifty five exceptional words
that design an image so unforgettable
I know I will be thinking of this
long into the morning. Your talent
never fails to amaze me...
Love, lane
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noticing how many people below and before myself have shown you the green grass of this poem...I can't say much that hasn't been said...so I'll just applaud....?
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I love this...I love your title ...and then the last line...and everything in between supports it so well...excellent...congrats...damn...I wish I could write like this.
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very interesting, descriptive
love the metaphor!
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Been there..ugh, but it never seemed as poetic as this.
Congratulations!
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This is REALLY good, I thoroughly enjoyed the scene you layed out. Excellent job with this one.
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This was captivating. Such twists and turns in your vocabularly. Fag ash? I love it. Congratulations on your hard-earned trophy.
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this really is a tremendous write-
m -
I think such subjects in poetry as this are the most difficult to capture without having it come out as a pity piece or just plain overdone and angst-like, yet here you are putting together a succinct poem that just nails the topic completely with poetic device and brutal honesty.
and that is why we like ya so much... bringing it close to home when we might not otherwise have touched the topic (not nearly as well as you have, indeed).
- tremendous write Gill. really.
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Coming from a family ravaged by alcoholism I tend to find levity in places where none actually exists and sometimes
tolerate as normal what is merely familiar...
It was the final line where I found what I mistakenly called fun, i think clever is a word much closer to my original intent. I read subtle irony in the fact that the subject has to "unscrew the day" which he in all likelihood screwed up himself in the first place... sad that i am so numb to this subject...
my comments probably said more about me then the piece, which is really strong and i'm sorry for my earlier rather lame remarks...
al
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ahhh... well yes, there is i suppose that dark ironic humour... of getting screwed in more ways than one... yes?
thanks Al.. i appreciate you coming back to this one..
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you see this piece as fun Al??
gee....
wasn't the line i was taking at all....in fact, completely the opposite....
can you tell me, where the fun comes into it...( i would be interested to see where you got that from on this one) -
This is a really fun piece Gill, Mary is right about the closing line... What a great entry in the contest
al -
Ooh I like it. This is gonna be great- I can tell.
Keep it up!!!
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One of these days I am going to buy a bottle for no purpose other than to shatter it until the linoleum bleeds, and the glass winks it's last smile before dying a loud (if not glorious) death.
That is what I will do. Alcohol ...of all the drugs, of all the evils, has been the cruelest to me.
And I don't even really like to drink
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i know girl... i know
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The day after the day after, the day after.....
I've never been able to unscrew after unscrewing, and for that I have always been thankful ..as that alone is likely what saved me from being screwed.
Good luck.. ;
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Very cool Gill.
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Your poem is really ok but for me its what's behind these informed words you write that's all important. So for me your work means more than its words. This is a huge issue in the UK and one sadly largely unrecogised and therefore grossly underfunded. Perhaps I should have just expressed my view on your work and not used it as a platform to air my own views about the reactive state of detox and rehab work. Good luck in the contest...
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He unscrews the day.
WHAP! POW! Left hook and straight on till morning! Yep, my dishy princess o'er the pond...this was definitely a home run.
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excellent final line-
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powerful and vivid write
the turmoil and emptiness alcoholism brings to a home is hauntingly described in each line
well done!
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A smart and piercing poem!
Aye, a poem that pierces the thin skin of the universe and lets it bleed a little!
Fine writing, good poet, and I admire your talent and this poem very much! What a way to start a Monday morning! 
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Aah yes...very powerful images here of drinking and alcoholism, my friend. I'm at work at the moment, but just wanted to add my applause to this wonderful poem. Excellent!!
~ Nicolette
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I love that last line..
I've unscrewed a few days, then screwed them up..lol..
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ooh, this is tight descriptive writing, a fine and sad picture painted
how the last line says it all ...
i like the hands wrung out stanza too, implies the dryness and the wringing of hands too
lovely
well done
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thanks Elaine... i'm glad that came across...
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burp
what a way to start the day
at least he can drink the white lightning
I envy him
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Ah- gorgeous..
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damn... that last line...
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thanks Meli
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Aw, very sad and lonely. Alcoholism is such an all consuming beast, the great eliminator. Really enjoyed the form you've presented this piece in. Very direct, making the poem that much more poignant. Wonderful work. Best of luck to you.
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thanks for commenting and your thoughtful words
G.x
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wonderful
incredibly descriptive, wonderfully tight, and the general tone was just.....wow....excellent
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thank you
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this is very tight ... and beautifully pointed ... that last line is a killer ! .... >>> gina
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thanks Gina.... i'm glad you popped on by
G.x
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