through a thin film
gathered on window glass
blurred edges
of light
spread soft stoked
in scarlet and rust
long movements
of low angled
sun
the odd line of horizon
where nothing
rises
or sets
A contest entry
- The Bachelor's Garden by jantastic.
600 points, ended June 30, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I've been trying to write a poem titled 'glass'
that does justice to the word, unsuccessfully-
but this, so far from my own ideas, is a study of light,
which is what makes glass so fascinating to begin with.
Gorgeous.
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Nice and pleasant to the ear. I read this out loud and it really sounded and felt good. Its funny when people don't read enough poetry to have an educated opinion of art. how graceful was your comment. To this day I am wondering why some old artist are seen as creating great poetry but it is what it is. Excellent work and a well deserved trophy. ~ Mykeeee
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Simple and Brilliant
I had no idea what this poem would be like by the name given, I am glad I stopped to read for this is a little master piece. The crystals my mother hung for me to watch on the floor and walls reminds me of this poem. Simple and Brilliant. Well said.
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Enjoyable. I remember sitting at my Grandmas kitchen window and watching designs of sun through a frosted glass window.
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There is a lot here that takes me so many different places...
one of a restless man...caught in that halfwise dreaming moments a bit uncertain yet outwardly confident...
then i am taken to a pond... the calm waters... you know those ponds on a farm for the cows and horses to drink from... not quite big enough for a boat yet just the right size for a swim... with mountains behind as you look out the kitchen window for a head count... the calm waters make the moon like mercury
I really like it when writes take me other places.
enjoyed. -
<
LOL... yes poetry is exactly that "a bunch of word put together... you are young and need to read more poetry...
i can suggest a couple of dozen you might be surprised by.
al -
beautiful on my tongue
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I did not dare to breathe. The quality of this is like a wineglass in perfect C.
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Amazing and mysterious the way you write...one word...Intriguing....the angle in which you see light is mesmerizing and no ending quite like this...leaves me hanging but I tend to think that is your style...which will make me want more of Morelli..."where nothing rises or sets.." Always a pleasure
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Interesting how some people's gardens are windows and light. I could hear this being read slowly by a (at a loss for an appropriate descriptor) voice. Nice attention to sound. Excellent. Thank you.
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Oh. Sigh. This is really good and makes me want to have something rusty on the shelf, maybe some found object art. Terrifically somber without over doing the mood.
-
between
night and day
the window pane
waiting -
Nice-Write
Very Different, and Unusual, Aj Moreli...Quite A Good-Write Though.Short, Sweet, And Directly 'To The Point'! You Said It All, In This One....Very Clever Write.....'God Bless You'.....'Keep Up The Good Work'...Love, Shirley ann shaw-raytown,mo..........
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Light fascinates me. Angles of light. I can find more to say in the seconds before sunrise or sunset than I will ever find in the blaze that occurs within moments.
I love the way you've captured that moment, and the way it plays off glass.. shattering everything that never seems to change.
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Exquisite poetry, Al...simply beautiful in its angles, edges and lines.
~ Nicolette
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Loved the ending. "where nothing rises or sets"
suits the contest perfectly...
You are a talent, and I always am amazed at the poetry I find on your page.
Excellent
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quite deep,goode job
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Exquisite
It's true there are moments that merely stay in place.
Those moments we file away to take out later and turn them in our hand to revisit the feel, or the lighting or simply the stillness.
So very much said with so few words. Magic of the poets mind.
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I love the image - real and metaphorical - of "where nothing rises or sets." What a magical place to be. Kinda like Neverland.
This is a truly recognizable Morelli. You have such a distinctive and unique style - no one else here writes like this. Be proud of your originality.
I'm so glad I checked your page today.
Cris
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there is such a macro viewpoint here for me ... as if your eye is that horizon line ... i love the alliteration and most of all
'in scarlet and rust
long movements
of low angled
sun '
your mind's eye infiltrates mine ... lovely >>> gina -
gold.. purely, simply gold... and this is why you should be published-
m
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whoa...the bachelors garden.dont know the contest, but the poem fits the title well. extremely well written, as always. so much to grab on to and so much has meaning or can be taken in different ways. enjoyed. good luck in the contest.
blu
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A powerful moment captured perfectly-
You freeze the scene, but the stillness feels natural, as though things are just hanging, waiting...
I liked how the form corresponded to the words as well..
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Beautiful imagery...very powerful.
Reminds me of the windows at work...they're near the roof, and are quite dusty. The only thing you can see from the floor is the clouds, tops of trees, colour of sky at sunrise and sunset...nothing else.
Lovely penning!
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So quietly powerful..loved this.
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I like this very much......it forces you to roll the words around until a picture appears. The imagery is beutiful. There is a bleak almost cold undertone, and you feel out of step with the rest of the world.....thank you. SR
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life without the sun would be unbearable
this is very very good and matched my mood this dreary wet morning, it would be raining it's the first day of wimbledon
i like it - muchly
elaine
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Where nothing rises or sets. Such awesome words setting a tone of pure majic. lol Good luck in the contest. lol
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oooh
fantastic imagery! the second stanza is incredible!
"scarlet and rust"
is such an amazing and poignant line! powerful ending...
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breathtaking
This poem is seriously, perfection
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