The air is thick,
Moist with 3 months
Of the coldest condensation.
The beige floor blends
Nicely with the white
That drapes itself
Over everything else.
I sit here, in this
Dimly lit room
With a cool breeze
Caressing the back
Of my pale neck.
The gray chair tilts back
As I rest my black boots
High upon an emerald green
Softness, buckling.
Irridesent White Light
Spills in my direction
From the corner of
A large brown box.
No smells, no sights,
Leaving my senses
To die alone and cold.
Have you been alright,
Sitting there in the middle
Of the night,
A sickness ripping into you.
Tell me, are you with me,
Leaving your senses to die,
And wondering about me?
Author notes
This is one of my basic observation poems. I use this excersise often when I am stuck in writer's block. I look around and attempt to do something with what I see.
Written August 14th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- More emotions! YAY!! Sad, angry, happy, whatever! by Be My Rushmore.
300 points, ended June 21, 2005, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Yes...I can feel the room - all the grey and beige and cold and thickness. But then there's "an emerald green /Softness" and
"Irridesent White Light " and there's life in the darkness- I love this...thanks for commenting on my poem. Blessings from CT - joanne -
Congratulations, Sis, on this wonderful write! Hugs, Patricia
-
GREAT
This is great. I love this poem so much. I love how you describe everything with their colors. The last part is a bit confusing, but I like that. I think if you need to look at a poem more then once to understand it, it is a good poem. Very interesting! Thanks for entering my contest! Best of luck to you in it!
.::Hannah::. -
well it is a little vauge and does not give you a lot of detail but good job on it
-
Very good
Thanks for the comment. Wow, this poem you can picture right in your head very good use of wording! I used to use observation too. None of my poems here have it though. I've had writer's block many times before too. I either right from what I know or listen to what my friends have to say they will always help if in need. Keep adding on to your terrrific talent. I hope to see more of your writing in the future. Muah, Goth
~*But first on this earth as vampire set,
~*Thy corpse shall from this tomb be rent,
~*Then ghastly haunt thy native place,
~*And suck the blood of all thy race*~
------------Lord Byron (my fav. quote) -
great
I like it...I can sense your urge to write and yet your mind draws a blank. I hate that! I've been there and it's no fun. you did a wonderful peice of work. Great job. -
its hard to follow
but, then again
its me
and im just smart enough to cope
as i got it
good stuff
different
but well penned
~*~Blu~*~
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