The blood is spred all around
My eyes glent with fear
But I know if I am caught
That everything will be over
The crimmson red correses
I can not figure out whose it
is but it almost seems to call
out and my name over and over
And I try to escape but my
legs give out from under
then I under stnad the
feeling and all of the
calling of my name
I relize it is not the blood
calling to me it is people
the voices seem to get further
away as I stare into space
while the blood is spread all
around and I am ebcircled by
a bright light that it so
beautiful and almost sureal
And I know that the crimmson colors
around me and all over is the end
of my past and all I know
I say goodbye to the voices
and I close my eyes
A contest entry
- Clean Ugly by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Create for me Vision! by MaddHattress.
600 points, ended July 23, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
You have a typo in line 19. It should be encircled, not ebcircled.
As far as the poem goes: It is a bit too prosey for me (it tells instead of shows) and it borders on the cliche.
Adding your comment:
