Anger, Anger, Violence
changes what you mean.
Give me a gun and
I'll blow that S.O.B
right off the earthly sea.
Bloody study buddy
there you lie.
finally dead,
with a shot to the head.
It was all meant,
now you're hell sent
and so am I.
I'll meet you later
when I die,
In the bottom
of the moral crater.
Author notes
not too sure on the flow of this but its how i see it.
A contest entry
- GIVE ME A WAR POEM by manoguru.
500 points, ended July 3, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
you are a clever one. i enunciated in my 2nd rule: no end-rhymes. but here you use assonance. that interesting. the sound is fine. but i think you need to work on the idea that you are trying to convey. the thing that you tell the reader is quite cliched and worse of all it is done in a lackluster style. but the positive side of this poem is that it really has that gut level attitude require to write a really angry, stinging war poem, but somehow it quite isn't. best of luck to you for the contest. and keep on writing.
Adding your comment:
