I think I know what’s wrong
The doors are locked and barred,
Guarded by a mime or Harlequin,
And the bells on the hat and red and black
And the audience is one.
Oh there are whispers in the scraping dust,
Or weaves like a verdant field, golden greaves,
On a silver suit,
Concealed like a vomiting farm
deserted for too long,
And yes it’s pretty still
But who can love a piece of blackened steel
Covered in rust the color of someone else’s blood?
There are many buildings round about
But none so grand or fine;
Yet they have windows, and we can look inside,
peel the layers back and see the whitened Bride.
Wraith, frail shadow.
The light shines through me,
But I am not illuminated,
Rather
Running out of room;
I shun the light.
Author notes
Written August 14th, 2003
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Concealed like a vomiting farm
deserted for too long,
And yes it’s pretty still
But who can love a piece of blackened steel
Covered in rust the color of someone else’s blood?
this poem really gives me an OPEN-EYE, this poem is very visual..I can almost imagine all the pictures in my mind reading it...All I got to say that since poem is like painting...this is a PICTURE-PERFECT-Poem...you are very cool for writing something like this..Oh, by the way, I like that part above..WELL DONE KEEP IT UP!! -
oooooooooooooooooooooooers....shiver.
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wow.. made me think of times'
when I feel so ugly
ox -
chilling
The last stanza.... just awesome....
I can see through
to the truth
from this mirror
held up to my eyes -
Stand out lines for me, for their originality and craftiness...
"Concealed like a vomiting farm
deserted for too long,...
Yet they have windows, and we can look inside"
And this whole bit...
"Wraith, frail shadow.
The light shines through me,
But I am not illuminated,
Rather
Running out of room"
I had to really get inside this - it is intricately woven.
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:: shivers :: Chilling...Very chilling indeed...
Yet another great job! Keep it up!
!~YS4e ~!
Scarlett -
This feels almosts real!very cool indeed.
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I remember this from days more maddened than this
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Wow.....how cool is this! Fantastically writen. *claps* hehe. This kind of reminds me of Equilibrium...but if you hate that movie and thats not what you were going for at all and are insulted by me...i'm sorry *cowars* Anyway, just....fabulous write. This is just wonderful. I can't wait to check out more of your works. If you have anything new posted can you please inform me? IM me or...w/e? haha thanks. Ok ya back to criticism...Ya I have to agree with what mtpoet said, very dramatic ending and a wonderfully crafted poem. wow....ok so ya before you get bored lol I'm going to go look at more of your poems etc. Keep writing....or else...
-Rabbit -
Wraith it is, Lute. A very dramatic ending. A crafted poem...
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