one
breath, the
sphere goes
spinning
through
the air,
waltzing
on the breeze,
a miniscule
globe.
one
thought, a
mind opens wide
to new
possibilities,
a door opened,
a lock
released.
one
love, my
heart readies itself
for a new
addition
to my
small
world.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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for the record... i edited this in 2007 and submitted it at the Middlesex County 4-H fair and it got first place!!! so i was happy.
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THAT WAS AWESOME
You expressed a lot in that poem. it was beautiful!
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thanks for checkin' this out you peeps and thanks for giving me suggestions!
lillie -
Beautiful
Sounds so determined! Gives you hope! Wonderful lillie! love it!
For some reason, I can't applaud it...but I would give it the best applause if I could! -
OOHH!! I LIKE IT!! Sorry about the cap locks. I loved the last five lines. They added new meaning to the poem but tied it all together. That doesn't make any sense, does it. Oh well. I usually don't like very short lines, but this worked for me for some reason. The abstractness (not a word) of it all was intruiging. One thing I might do is add an extra space before every "one" line, splitting it into stanzas, but that might change the flow a little. Okay! I'm done ranting! Great Poem.
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this is beautiful lilE! (I'm going to spell your name like that from now on ) I love the enjambent; it is very effective throughout the whole poem! yay! wheee...
Lise
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