Oh! What a crime
is that a dog
Covered in slime
Maybe it's just grime
that will not do
It needs a change of clime
Now look I found a dime
there is a fruit stall
I think I'll buy a lime
Hey, What's the time
7 o'clock
I'll chime
Now come and dine
for you know
I can't rhyme
I'm really just a mime
oh couldn't you see
I am so sublime
and in my prime!
A contest entry
- Over 250 Poems by zhaniswolf.
350 points, ended July 23, 2007, 42 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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THIS is probably one of the most DUMBEST poems io have ever read.... YAY FOR DUMBNESS!
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yeah this is crap lol. good choice for the contest.
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Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
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You are right. It just misses being clever and is then just trying. It has potential though. I will have to look at the other one now.
Love, Tom B. -
The image you have painted in this piece is vivid and your verbiage and flow is fair. You have chosen to compose a Free Style piece for my contest which is actually the hardest to pass my scrutiny because I have no technical guidelines to judge it other than presentation, image, grammar, tone infliction, punctuation and flow. I found it interesting that you structured it like a Villanelle but it obviously isn’t one.
You have the heart of a poet so please try again. This poem is important to you so please remember I’m DQ’ing it because I’m the poetry bitch and it’s no reflection on your ability as a poet. Only the best poets on the site are here so you are in a very competitive group.
Here’s what I disagree with in your poem:
1. The flow is choppy in parts most likely do to the variance in syllable count.
2. L7 you did not capitalize the word “I” this is inconsistent with other places in the poem where you did. It makes the reader stop and look at it. You never want the reader to do that in any form or style because you lose control of his mind.
Please don’t be offended, my opinion has nothing to do with your ability as a poet but the competition is steep here and that’s why I paid so much for the point award.
Love,
Amera ♥
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This is just to cute! thank you so much for sharing and for the smile: I am so sublime and in my prime! cute just cute
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