Babies scream.
They lie rooted to the ground.
Sucking on ball-point pens.
Sniffing venom.
Playing with razors.
There are hundreds of them here,
On this, the maiden voyage
Of the S.S. Vacation from the Superreality of Normalcy.
Their mothers are nearby.
Swallowing their own foamy poison.
Climbing in and out of beds.
Relaxing on their lawn chairs made out of overestimation.
Fathers don't exist.
Or if they do, they're invisible.
They must float around,
Specters.
Ghosts.
Poltergeists.
Hungrily watching their families wither away
To nothing.
Author notes
Option 2.
A contest entry
- LOTS and LOTS of OPTIONS!!!!!!!! *Please come look* by smntha..
600 points, ended June 24, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Oh, another note that just crossed my mind...the title for this piece could be far better than it is at the moment. IF you'd like, I could give you some suggestions...it is my opinion that the title of every poem should hold as deep of a meaning as the poem itself does. I spend the equivalent of atleast half the time that it took me to write a poem on the title itself.
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I would LOVE your suggestions. I have a hard time naming.
Thanks.
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a very well done, disturbingly written poem. The imagery and descriptions convey the emotion perfectly, and very powerfully. The only improvement I think could be made would be to remove the many periods that you've used throughout the poem, it makes the reader's mind stop. and. go, rather than. flowing on to the next line as it should, and would. The periods interrupt the flow that this piece could have, thanks to your excellent use of a very subtle rhyme scheme (which in my opinion is often the best kind)
Overall, and amazingly well written piece. Keep on penning!
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Wow. This was kinda creepy to me. But it explained the pain so vividly and with great detail. Nice job! Good luck!!!
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