in the room where she sleeps,
past the mirrors and moons
of hours mute, morning finds her
with doves filled with dawn
behind the curtains autumn
completes itself in a row
of poplars,
and against the window,
the bronze beginnings
of sunbirds and bells
that were stilled so long
by the night
ray by ray, the room
warms - two poppies
in a vase turn their heads
towards the day’s slight-amber
pane
in her bed the warmth
of her body turns
to no one
Author notes
Inspired by a poem of Ted Hughes (1st stanza):
The first sorrow of autumn
Is the slow goodbye
Of the garden who stands so long in the evening-
A brown poppy head,
The stalk of a lily,
And still cannot go.
A contest entry
- T. Hughes - Seven Sorrows to choose from... by truembrace.
600 points, ended July 5, 2007, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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this was a stunning fine
loved
in a vase turn their heads
towards the day’s slight-amber
pane
what a colourful and vivid image
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you've found an old one. thanks emma
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Warm, this pulls the reader in and hugs us! Your imagery is stunning and reaching, lingering long after the eyes have absorbed your flowing words. Beautiful
~Tia
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"behind the curtains autumn
completes itself in a row
of poplars,"
Oooh I can just see those round leaves turning yellow. This is a beautifully lonesome poem. A pure pleasure to read and enjoy. Your imagery is simply superb in this piece. I was there, in that bed, seeing those two red poppies in the amber hue of sunrise.....NICE!
~Pamela
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Pamela, thank you so much for the visit and the lovely comment!!
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So sigh in seeing Nature's guide in calling every creature home...and I am called to rubbing eyes hoping light will find in thought the first few steps in finding freedom...such a lovely piece this is...
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Very visual
This is nice and very visual, romantic, sad yet bright with song and warmth.
Terry
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Thank you, Terry...
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...the dawn in this comes too quietly, yet it sings of possibility in its silence. The last lines are a sharp contrast in both color and singularity to pairing, but I like "the warmth of her body" despite the aloneness, because it resonates in the fullness of heart and beauty which ripples outwardly, deep water, till it finds its own level and current. This is still life painting about to burst it's frame!
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Thank you, dear Karen...yes the warmth will always be there
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when we read your poetry and there are verses that are wistful, we are wistful with you. and, when they bring about an aching that seems timeless - we are within that emotion as well, fully immersed. And, when there is love and wistfulness, you bring us even deeper into the moment that there is no mistake as to what the author wants us to see - so long as we are willing to appreciate the words.
lovely as always -- thanks so much for taking the time to enter this into the contest.
Kim
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Thank you very much, Kim. Yes, I often rather go for the "how" than hide the "what" - and I guess in this poem that is exactly what I did.
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made me smile. great poem.
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This poem is so beautiful. It is so awesome write.
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Very beautiful poem.
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As I was reading this, I was amazed at the amount of imagery and feelings that this brought to my mind, it hit me to the point, where I actually stopped and thought about it, I suppose because a lot of poetry does not do this, amazing, every line, and this is a sad one, but so beautiful
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Oof. I confess I am totally intimidated by the string of adoring comments - everyone deserved. So what can I add to this without sounding like a hollow echo in a beautiful chambermaid's chamber?
Hmm, yes it reads like a dream. and its sad too. and I loved the title to bits.
Always thought multiple trophy winners pander to popular clueless tastes to the detriment of (their) poetry. How awfully nice to find another exception.
Your poems are like your contests - creatively inspiring. -
Beautifully done Nic. Love the visuals and the movement in this poem. Very creative and filled with autumn.
~Lyrical
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I like this poem but it left me in the sad mood nevertheless it was inspired by some other poem. It is too realistic with included feelings and last stanza I am without words. As always for the best.
~Sonja~
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the apotheosis of sadness in the last three lines, simply haunting in their beauty.
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this certainly captures
the sorrow of autumn... loneliness so well portrayed in this piece, but renewal is, as well... beautiful warm imagery... I love the colors!
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Oh yes, I read this yesterday... but was on my way out..
this is perfect for this contest Nic... and i know that it has deep resonance in your heart... that turning over in a large bed and finding nothing!! ...damn girl, I know and feel that... every bloody morning and night.... and inbetween
inbetween the heart and body of this write, lays a beautiful woman with a huge heart.... that needs to be able to reach out and touch skin in the morning
poppies are such a beautiful addiction ... red and black broken hearts
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Thank you, Gilly.. It is autumn here, the season of leaf poetry (as I always say) and I think therefore I could relate to that stanza of Hughes's poem so well. But I do have a little dog sleeping with me, lol!!
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hahahhaha
well... that helps... I have a stuffed penguin that Suzi(mystysaint) bought for me.. not quite the same as a dog or man... or both...
LOLOL -
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NOT quite the same lolol. But that little dog of mine fits the dark and handsome requirement...and he has personality
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oohh how gorgeous is he... lolololol
of course, I can agree with that.. my dog, when he was alive had such great personality... he was an Aberdeen terrier... otherwise known as a Scottie Dog... he was called Angus...
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beautiful as always..
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aaargh .. i just lost my 'huge' comment ...
let me see .. this is just lovely ... fabulous emotion and imagery, for me ...
did you mean 'a' room or perhaps 'the' .. in first stanza ...
i loved the alliteration of the b's and r's ...
this stanza ...
past the mirrors and moons
of hours mute,
morning finds her
with its doves, filled
with dawn
i really wanted to read it as
morning finds her
with doves, filled
with dawn
i stumbled over 'its'every time i read it ...
lovely lovely poetry >>>> gina -
Ah, love the poppies. This week I noticed the blooming magnolia trees and today the poppies...then tonight I find Al's magnolia poem and this gorgeous poppy piece. Lovely.
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a beautiful wistful poem ...PK
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WOW... I love the depth and imagery in which you write. It filled my mind with so many images and started my mind to create something new. You are truely an inspiration and a very dear friend. I loved the softness in which you of your pen as it just seemed to dance across the paper to create this piece.
The poem that inspired you to write this pice must of been very special indeed, as this one honours the author of the other. I do wish you the best of luck in the conest.
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Such beauty here. Autumn, a woman, turning and aging. Wonderfully painted images that sing soft lullabies to the readers heart.
Blessings be,
Billie Jean
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this gave me chills- wonderful poetry
m
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take my silence as my highest praise...
al
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Excellent
This is so perfect and I can breathe in the sorrow.I seem to have read three sad type poems this morning.I guess I will have to go make some tea to comfort all the sadness or drown.Well metaphorically speaking because I'm happy these days.
.I went off track[what a concept for me] LOL I seriously think no one could have penned this better.this ending was stunning:
in her bed the warmth
of her body turns
to no one
Good luck in the contest.
Helen
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Well this is more than wonderful true poet to art in seasoned color...petal my mind in verse to wind...suach a line of words to follow.
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Soft and flowing your words are, capturing me and holding me there through the end. Great ending line, just great! Beautiful imagery painted with a soft brush, my pleasure to read! ~Tia
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"in the room where she sleeps,
past the mirrors
and moons
of hours mute"
Sighhh...Exquisite sorrow & mournful beauty painted by such a tender heart...Ahhh, my Sister...She doesn't turn to no one, Sweetie...She turns towards the world that loves her every breath...& there will be One to turn to again one day...He is searching for you now...Such an elegant penning, my dear Friend...As only you can do...Good luck in the contest... Vlindertjie
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Exquisite.
The imagery and flow of your alliterations set the scene;
"in the room where she sleeps,
past the mirrors and moons
of hours mute,"
Delicious!
Images daintily danced, up until your tender forlorn farewell.
Make room for another trophy, M'Lady!
~ Nicholas ~
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Peacelings
This was absolutely fantastic. Yes, poppies are innocent and beautiful plants. I loved how everything flowed, just like water. You never cease to surprise me as always.
Peace & Love & Light,
Jay
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This is good work. In anything we admire how we can't do something and I am amazed how the good writers time and again are able to create the images required for the reader to connect.
David
I would get rid of the second "turns" it makes you sound like a rotisserie. Minor point but more effective with one. On the other hand you can put it down to "one good turn deserves another" and if that's the case leave it there by all means
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I really like this, Nicolette. Loved the title, it is so unique. All the images here feel so natural and beautiful, and the end adds so much to it... not much of this poem is sad, but those two last stanzas bring such a lonely feeling...
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what a beautiful surprise you gave me while I'm here at work, being bored with myself
A nice amount of tantalizing imagery, and such emotion and sadness at the end...
You are such a wonderful writer!
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What a very haunting piece. Visually peaceful, but with a sweetly sad feeling..
"in a vase turn their heads
towards the day’s slight-amber
pane"
beautiful work, my friend. Love the title.
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