falling for you was easy and baby;
i havnt stopped falling yet
usually a day without you was cool but baby;
i woke up this morning crying because u werent here
you can tell me you love me until youre blue and baby;
i still couldnt get enough of hearing it
you were so afraid to let go and drop and baby;
im about to hit the bottom before you catch up
i cant help but tell you im so in love and baby;
with you there isnt a difference if you take out in
im sorry for being so paranoid and grounded but baby;
two weeks without you isnt hard to handle anymore
i fucking love you and i swear if you hurt me baby;
itll be the last time i ever ever ever fall ever
becase you know what baby;
i almost gave up on love
Author notes
WRITERS BLOCK IS A BITCH!
A contest entry
- cookies and cream ice cream (for you) by u took my user name.
650 points, ended November 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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punctuation is off here... i don't think you need to use ";" at the end of every line. by using that, you're telling the reader that that thought is done... yet you end (for example) the first line with "and baby" which means you have not finished that sentence, really.
your grammer i sreally off too. it's "you're" not "youre"
Please read a poem over when you write it (especially if for a contest) because if you have such silly mistakes, that tells the reader that you don't give a shit about YOUR OWN poem, so why should i care to read it?
This poem is dry.... and NOT what i am looking for. Excuse me for being harsh with the comment, but damn.... if you read the description of the contest, i wanted something happier, withought the use of vulgar language.
Yes, i used "shit" in the comment... but again... i can do that.
"I fucking love you" (you should capitalize the "i") isn't exactly what one wants to hear. That's some angry violent disrespectful love right there.
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