Time will make them both
Halt there ceaseless hovering
Ever up and down
Fly! Little insect.
Little speck up in the sky
You are like the sun.
Always up and down
Never for long in one place
Descend from above
Take the time you rule
Hold close how we observe you
Even in the dark
Some disdain you both
Unforgiving all your sins
Neither burns nor bites
Always we'll retain
Retain the fly and the sun
Ever in our minds
One day spans your lives
Never the less, you return
Ever up and down
Author notes
This is a BRAND NEW form of poetry I have created. As you can see it is a blend of Haiku and Acrostic. I call it "Haikrostic Story" seeing it is easier than explaining it. Feel free to try this out for yourself if you are ready and willing for a challenge. for a description please see the column I have written about it.
I was watching a fly the other day and I noticed how it constantly went up and down in the air, MY crazy mind made the connection on how the sun also goes up and down. so there is the connection
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
wow thats crazy. im still just beginning to write, so i won't enter your contest about this, but i like how you did it.
-
-
I'm not going to lie, its not the easiest form of poetry to write in. It can be quite hard, but if you go through life only attempting things that are easily accomplished, how do you improve?
It's your choice either way, but i personally want everyone who finds it intriguing to try it.
-
-
This is GREAT!!! I love haiku and acrostic and will be trying this new style.
Lady D
-
I really like this idea, and this poem is cute
there is a mistake in the first haiku though - you used 'there' instead of 'their'... but apart from that this is a very much enjoyed read and I shall try my hand at the form
Keep writing
Polly
-
Oh. This is a very nice poem that you have here. I thought the fact that you were creating a form was pretty cool too but I'm not sure I completely understand how it works. It was fun to read though and I thought it was pretty crazy about how you were connecting the fly and the sun. I don't think I really see those two connected but I found it fun to read someone's thoughts on it.
-
Great Artistic
Very interesting, nice work on trying new forms, i liked it, check out my poem im new so i need some advice and feedback, thanks for the poem keep it up!
-
Very interesting form you have here big bro. It is really werid and almost hard to comprend but it was fun to read. I like it and you have an odd way of making things like this work, flow well and even sound good. So good job on this, I don't know if i am going to try something like this just yet. Good job big bro. Keep it up
Never give up
Kate -
Awesome
I like how you blended Haiku and Acrostic - it makes for an amazing poem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
