Of loyalty and blood and rebirth they elected to pride’s worth
that which seemingly did not belong, a fellowship of a throng,
bound by marks of beast and man which led to their own ban
from common civility and grace, for solace no more embraced,
deep within each tainted grove while two lions guarded cove
the nine legions had sacrificed and underwent the secret rites,
they being adept to this history, the forth of Mithras mystery,
led by Regulus, their own heart, they followed upon impart
to the blackened and forgotten comforting each misbegotten.
With leonine facies expelled, within anathema they rebelled,
with the great Sickle in hand Nemeans struck to make demands,
the covenant of flame took hold and scorched all of ebon-gold,
severing heads, devouring the meek from Cilicia to Belgique,
tugging at the Ashafera mane leading to lit scourge campaigns
across decadent Europa fields brandishing swords and shields
forged in the flesh of men with fast hearts and staunch skin,
Denebola lashed out from behind against an intolerant mankind,
they drained Nile from eclipse, as with all the waters in Egypt.
On horses galloping to end, upon horizon they would descend
into the east to return to city, but no remorse and never pity,
no tears would slip the feline eyes as they awaited to reprise,
the wicked sons of primal face found within their own place,
their home that of retribution by means of a fiery revolution,
setting aflame to the walls of men that will soon rise again,
but every ninth moon and ninth year on the horizon will appear
the burning pyre of hate and spite that will overtake the night,
and you will see a lion's sign and the raging rank of the Leonine.
Author notes
Written in rime leonine, with nine lines per stanza, drawing on astronomy (the nine stars of Leo), mythology (religious following of Mithras), and Lepromatous leprosy or leonine facies, to name a few.
(dream)
In a list
A contest entry
- Fantasy! And Nothing More. by CrystalFlower.
410 points, ended August 19, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Beautiful! Very different, and I like that in poems. It has a very interesting story to it. Good luck.
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This has taken some time to create and to that end it's an impressive write. I didn't understand it completely but I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for being a contestant and happy trails
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Hoodwinked
This is absolutely brilliant. This really appeals to my mythological side.
The vikings held a bloody rite based on something similar your poem but to Odin. There was an excavation in Sweden(I think)and there were the bones of nine of each type of animal and nine humans sacrificed. There were hints in sagas of this rite taking place, once every Nine years.
You are closer to an ancient buried truth than you think.
I wish I could give more applause.
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I haven't ever seen poems like yours before in AP...lol I'm impressed!
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I promised I would comment on this and so, I shall.
I've always been impressed with your intelligence and willingness to dabble with different forms. Also have admired your passion for mythology and astronomy. There is no exception when it comes to this piece.
This could not have been an easy task yet it reads so easily as if it was in fact written with the greatest of ease. The form, with it's sequences of 9, amazing in and of itself.
I've found the story here to be touching, awe-inspiring. and, to say the very least, fierce. The Loenine, a band of outcast 'underdogs', finding brotherhood and camaraderie amongst themselves, rising up against those whom have cast them, so thoughtlessly, aside.
The references you've mentioned in your notes lend such a powerful enchantment to this piece. By that I mean I found it to be spellbinding. You've really packed SO much into this piece, more than I have words to express.
I fear that my words truly do not do this piece justice. Just know, not only was the piece itself enjoyed, immensely, but the effort that was put into breathing life into fantasy, was greatly admired and appreciated.Bella
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This seems like kind of a prophetic story poem...I like the last three lines the best. I like your use of numbers throughout.
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Thank you for the kind words. I did indeed try to create a prophesy of sorts, especially with the last three lines. I wanted it to be a myth all its own. Thanks for the comment.
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I thought this was great. It has so much detail and the structure means it flows beautifully. Reading it felt so natural for my brain that it was almost like reading my own thoughts. I don't know if you know what I mean, but it's definitely a compliment!
I love this line: "On horses galloping to end, upon horizon they would descend". It just struck me for some reason. I commented so tell the Leonine to put the swords away! 
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Yes, I think I know what you mean. I'm pleased to see that you enjoyed this. I appreciate the compliments and applause. And thank you for commenting.
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Because you know people so well you've never met. lol It's not exactly friendly advice when it's underlying message is meant to insult. And I wasn't going to come back if you hadn't messaged me, I never said I would. I'd forgot about it after last night. But I didn't go to the poem with the intent to just use up one of the clicks.
I was only apologizing for taking your points without the comment and giving some back. I don't like when people do that either, and I like being fair. So, that's the end of it.. I'd be annoyed in your position too, and leave the same type of message that basically just tells the person not to be a dick. My computer actually did shut down, I usually make a big deal out of commenting those poems whenever I click one.
So. Yeah...
Addition: It's obvious I'm dealing with someone extremely uneducated, as it appears you can't read or comprehend... Stop sending your friends after me. It's childish. -
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Am I the one that called someone I never met a jerk? I don't know you, but you seem to know me pretty well. I'd be more than happy to post my "insulting" message here if you really want to make this public or whatever. I'm curious how you could take such offense at what I said if you say you would just leave a comment on theirs saying "don't be a dick." In the message you said your computer "may" have shut down, but now it seems that you're certain that's what happened. If, when you say, you understand why I would be annoyed, then I'm confused as to why you attacked me like I had said the kind of crap you're pulling now. But in all honesty, this is getting fucking tired. So. Yeah...
"Addition: It's obvious I'm dealing with someone extremely uneducated, as it appears you can't read or comprehend... Stop sending your friends after me. It's childish."
If a lack of education is what you got from my replies to your rudeness and if that's what you picked up on from my poem, then I'd love to read yours. Oh, and BTW, I didn't send anyone after you. Childish is for children, so you can keep it. Stop posting your hypocritical bullshit on my work and grow up a little.
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There. Sorry again, but I really did enjoy this poem. I didn't click without commenting on purpose. so take the deserved applauds, and don't message me being a jerk. There was a reason, and I dislike being talked down to. however politely one puts it.
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Then I guess we're even, since I don't like wasting points and then being called a jerk for offering friendly advice for the future. I didn't resort to name calling or anything juvenile like you have. I simply stated members that have been here for longer than three years should know better, at least better than someone who has been here one month. Take a look at the views on this one: 25, and only 5 comments from other people. You aren't the only one. I do appreciate you returning and commenting, but don't pretend you were going to had I not messaged you. But yeah, thanks for being mature about it.
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Awesome
Hey,This is Awesome!...I have learned something new now LOL...Hazel
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Thanks, Hazel. Glad you enjoyed this, though a bit dark. Thanks for the kind words.
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I read this as a feature, and I definitely don't want my head chopped off. I hate when people don't comment too. I was never much into fantasy, but I read this through and I think I'd really like this if I was.
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Well, I appreciate your commenting very much. This one's been getting quite a few wasted clicks, with 23 views and 4 comments. So thank you for that, and thank you for the compliments, especially since it's not really your thing.
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I have that happen all the time with featured poems. Sometimes the people who clicked and didn't comment shortly show up in the featured list so they do that to get their poem further up the list. I made the suggestion that they show topic and length for every featured poem as well as changing the color or something if I'd already read it as a featured poem, but no one cared.
Occasionally I click on something that I hate, and I don't want to insult so I go visit their page and look around for something that I can comment on.
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Good
Didnt really understand but the use of words was good, keep writing!
(hey if youo could im new and it would be great if you could give some feedback on my poem thanks!)
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I have to be honest and admit that I didn't completely understand this, but that doesn't stop me from appreciating its beauty. I've never heard of that type of form before, but I'm afraid I'm not very well versed in the many aspects of poetry. I love the vocabulary you use and the images you paint through it. This was just fabulous, but who am I kidding? I adore anything you write! Wonderful job.
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Thank you so much. I guess it goes hand in hand then, since I love everything of yours I've read. I'd be more than happy to explain it for you. I definitely understand that there's a lot of references in here, and makes it a bit confusing. I did more research on this one than I have on mine in a long time, since Hallbera I'd say. But regardless, thank you very much for your always wonderful compliments.
-Ryan
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