Peeping from my misty nest
keeping a close watch down below,
a familiar figure roams about;
a captive on this earth I know.
It wasn't long ago
I was torn from her side;
no longer to care for her,
comfort her, act as her guide.
It gives me grief to watch her stumble,
cry out for help and fall;
watch her in times of grief
with no mother on whom to call.
Yet it makes me beam
to watch her conquer life;
grasp it firm and push onward,
battling fear and strife.
My only hope is that she cling
to God's precious news-
so one day she might come to me
and share these heavenly views.
Author notes
(Zephyr Aryn) I decided to write this poem from the view of a mother watching her child living on earth. I hope you feel a connection with this one. Someday, this might be you or me, too.
A contest entry
- Second Chances, the Rounds That Never End (Invite only) [#3] by Lady-Pegasus.
900 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Just say what you feel needs telling...or have one of those random whims to comment on something.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. Well done, this is a wonderful perspective from the picture, and easy to see its relation to be certain. The only suggestion i might make is L8 you say "them" when throught the rest of the poem you are refering to one singular person, "she" perhaps changing that to match would be better? Just a thought!
Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. 
Hetohke'e 
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Outstanding
You describe the process of letting go very well in your poem. As mother's we all have to stand back a little and let our children learn from their own mistakes. This flowed very well and you create a poem full of feeling.
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Fantastic.
It's beautifully written! This time is always the hardest time in parents life, espically a mother's, because she so desperatly wants to help, but she know it is best that the child learn on their own. Wonderful. -
Nice message
You write from the heart, sincere messages of hope and beauty. I enjoy reading your poems.
I'd like to see you go through this poem again with a focus on the meter. For example:
Peeping from my misty nest,
watching things unfold below.
fragile figures roam about,
Earthbound captives whom I know.
You begin by talking about a single figure, but go on to talk about "them." You can go either way - I went plural because it was easier to write the sample that way.
My stanza isn't better, I'm just demonstrating that it's possible to work with the lines to get a steady meter that helps the poem flow more sweetly. I changed it to trochaic tetrameter TA-ta TA-ta TA-ta TA (*), picking up the rhythm from your first line.
It's important to get the ideas down quickly, so that you capture the magic of the inspiration as it moves you. But once you have the message down, it's perfectly okay to wordsmith it a little to make it flow more smoothly going from the page to the eyes and directly to the imagination without missing a step.
-Epistomolus -
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Thanks for the advice- I hope it's better.
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Nice
The poem grasps a particular cycle in nature very well.
Although the piece is kind of schmoopy, I like it. It reminds me of the way my mom sees me, and it also reminds me of the cat I saw the other day with her kittens. I also like to watch juvenile birds still trying to get food from their parents, and their parents reluctantly slipping a seed or berry into their mouths.
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Beautiful write my friend and so herat felt was each word you said in this piece it did not feel forced it felt meant and thats what makes it such an amazing write
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