Defective

Here I sit...In a dark alleyway..With no lights to provide me.
I'm terrefied of what might happen to me if I move.
I fear what I cannot see.
Tears streak my face, as I breath shakily.
I wonder why I said those things..Did I mean them?
Yes,I did.
I never did anything wrong...It is not wrong to be yourself.
To be able to fly, laugh, smile, sing, or even cry.
I decided to tell you, because I thought you should have known.
But...You hurt me..You abused me, and used me.
I trusted you.
When I was little you told me you loved me. I was perfect in your eyes.
Then I got raped, and things change.
It's not every day, you see a child as scared, and shaken..Not one like me..
I know my life didn't suck that much, but still..Come on.
Now that I am grown up, you have grown to fear me.
Because when I tell you things that I know are true, you hide in your shell.
You shut yourself out.
If only you knew what it was like to be me.
You only know...
You think...
You call me up one day, and want to talk...I put you in your place, and you cower like
the little whelp you are.
I'll get you!
I can't say I love you now..I can't even talk to you.
I distrust you that much.
You mistake me for something I was not, and blame it on me.
Think again.
I'm not five anymore..I'm 20.
I am not your child anymore.
I am your peer.
Your equal.
Please...Do me a favour, and grow up.
It will help in the long run.
This is for you..Because you made me feel like crap.
How can you love me, and then turn your back on me?
Why am I so defective?
I daydream a life other than this one.
It seems so much better to be able to escape.
My heart has become mechanical, and my soul is just a drone.
You've done it now...
........