Too late are those who set sail mid hurricane
False hopes amid careless thoughts doomed
Too late are thee, sweet traveler
Too late indeed, my heart a treacherous sea and storm
The brave may enter but only the true will prevail
Be careful, kind navigator
Many great sailors survive, not in this horrible abyss
But please sail on, mighty explorer
I pray for your soul
A contest entry
- Any... old or new thing ...at all! ...ANYTHING EVERYBODY!!!! by wendymolly.
750 points, ended June 16, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ::paper::bags:: &&& &hearts plastic hearts &hearts by XweXareXbrokenX.
1050 points, ended July 13, 2007, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Raven Qualifier - Dark: Anger, Angst and Goth by Raven Contest.
450 points, ended August 1, 2007, 124 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I think the author of this poem has written about the perils of travelling through the stormy sea of a broken heart in an imaginary way. I feel the pain and sadness of a broken heart is hidden behind the written words, while the hope and encouragement are clearly within the words. Although the idea connecting the broken heart with a stormy sea may be considered a little cliché I think the way this poem sets the story out for the reader is novel, and one that I’ve enjoyed reading. It’s made a pleasant and welcome change to read of positive hope coming from an obviously dark and negative situation.
There are two small areas where I personally think this poem might be improved. The first is in the line “Many great sailors survive not in this horrible abyss” as I feel there should be a comma between survive and not, or the sentence could be restructured to make it flow better. The second is the word traveller is repeated three times and I feel that’s a little too much for a short poem for the sake of interest. Other words that could be used are: adventurer, explorer, navigator, mariner and there are possibly many others that I can’t currently call to mind.
Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.
Northern Raven
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this was a very deep poem...i enjoyed reading it...thanks for entering...good luck in the contest
xXsewn2getherXx -
this is GREAT! u r a finalist!
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thank you so much!
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That's very doomsday-ish. lol. I kinda liked that. Actually, I really like that. Nothing like some dark poetry to wake a girl up at ... 11pm. lol. But seriously, I appreciate this entry, and it's a pleasure to run across a new voice such as yours.
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I like this!
I can relate to this well. Excellent use of metaphor here and good narration too, setting quite the dastardly atmosphere. Glad I got to read this Thanks for sharing. La x 
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