Frozen,
by the life
I've chosen,
suppose
everybody knows,
surely it shows.
As the wind blows
colder,
I grow older,
dare not
look over
my shoulder.
Through the storm,
my beauty
is torn
and tattered,
not that
it mattered.
I'm broken
and battered,
this is the storm,
my own death
is born.
Author notes
Option 4.
A contest entry
- Inspire me by Moon Raven.
450 points, ended June 30, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ONLY Pre-Writes that should have won a trophy. by lindaburns.
1700 points, ended October 4, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Like it.
I know the feeling, well written.
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excellent form and imagination ,great stuff michelle xx
i read it again
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10-3-2007 Thank you for entering my contest.
Unfortunately, since the poem already has a
bronze trophy in another contest, it doesn’t
qualify for this contest. Nice work.
(((Ok, I’m hearing depression, isolation – both physical and emotional. There’s definite images of being alone and thinking no one notices or cares. The confusing bit is the ending, “my own death is born”. I’m not sure if this is contemplating suicide (physical death), or an emotional death of self. It could be that the narrator feels lost inside a storm and, as a result, has lost all sense of self from being in the center of the raging winds and rain. I’m confused because there is so much physical imagery (“surely it shows”, “look over my shoulder”, “beauty is torn”), that it’d make sense if this was an emotional death…and I’d much rather that. Because of all the physical imagery, it seems more like a “giving up”, and a physical death. And I like emotional death better because you can come back from that – emotional death doesn’t mean the end of a story; physical death ends the stories we can hear. Which may be why the rules of this contest say “No Death”…
Other than that, very good. I like the whipped feeling the broken lines give the rhythm of the reading. You can almost feel the confusion in the writing, as if you’re standing in the winds.)))
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I think you understood me / the poem very well, in a confused sort of way !lol. Thanks for letting me stay in the contest & for your great comment.
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thanks for comment, I misunderstood the rules,would u like me 2 remove it?
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No. Lets leave it in so more people will be able to see it.
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Woah! What a powerful write. The last stanza is awesome. Nice imagery. Great job! Good luck in the contest! ♥
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Woaha, this is amazing, Ireally love your style of writing...I think this is one of my favourites. Congratulations on the bronze x take care x
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good
i like the rhyming in it as well as the way its formed. it makes it intense to read out. definitely like the meaning in the whole thing as well. it was really awesome.
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Wow!!!!!!!This sounds like me..........
One could derive different meanings to this poem, but for me , it made me think of my life. Passing me by no loved one, mstakes I have made everbody knowing. Now I amno longer pretty,or noticd by anyone and it seems I think of death more than I ever had knowing my destination would be heaven, a peaceful escape from the lonely life I live here on earth. But I don't want to leave just yet as my daughter is my reason to live along with being determined to accomplish the will of God in this earthly life. Thanks fro provoking this thought from me tonight!!!Great piece111``TONI~~
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Very nicely written, but some of the rythmes sound forced. I do the same thing, don't worry. Good luck in the contest
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Oooh, this is done well. I like the way it flows. The rhymes flow as well. Nothing sounds forced. I liked the imagery you crafted here. Well done. Cool use of metaphors as well. Thank you for treating me with this piece. I cannot choose just a few choice lines from this piece to favor as I favor them all. Good work. Thank you for entering. Good luck.
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WOW. this poem is short, but it really blew me away. I like it a lot. thanks so much for sharing it with your AP family and friends. Loved it!!
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wow an inner tempest going on here .battered, death storm ..i hope there is some calm soon well written .peter
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