Her cheeks burn with each passsing day
the painful tears flow down
each day that passes without a word from you
Her smiles fades more and more
she's breaking inside and out
fading into a dark lonely world
supressed by her own childish fears
blinded by her tears
afraid to give up
even more afraid to hold on
trying to stay strong
but her hope is slowly fading away
each night you are out
without a single call
she feels like she's losing you
and that you won't even realize
till she's completely faded away
that you are her life
she's slipping further and further down
into the depths of her worried mind
abanding her own personal happiness
to please you and be what you want her to become
forgetting the people that were always there
She's become a slave in her own life
trying to make things better
but in reality only making it all worse
slowly filling her life with remorse
troubling her soul with worthless hopes
and filling her damaged mind with lies
and you let her believe it's gonna be okay
so she'll just sit there by the telephone
waiting for the call that will never come
that would say i still want you for my very own
still waiting...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Amazin Sis
she's slipping further and further down
into the depths of her worried mind
abanding her own personal happiness
to please you and be what you want her to become
forgetting the people that were always there
She's become a slave in her own life
trying to make things better
but in reality only making it all worse
slowly filling her life with remorse
troubling her soul with worthless hopes
and filling her damaged mind with lies
and you let her believe it's gonna be okay
so she'll just sit there by the telephone
waiting for the call that will never come
that would say i still want you for my very own
U really spoken through out this poem its just amazin beautiful beautiful work with this poem I enjoyed every bit of this song its amaing and Wow well expressed emotions well expressed heart and soul. Hang in there sis things will be okay. hugs to ya..love ya once again Outstandin job
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Transcend All
WOW, ok I loved it. You know it's great when you start reading and don't stop until the last word, then start over because you loved the flow, the emotion, the raw energy that you captured. I could feel your hurt. You captured the wording, the feeling, the expressions of the face, the longing. Please, I know your going to get a lot of advice but here's my 2 cents, leave it the alone, except that "t" for "just" at the end...lol. If you start changing your flow, stanza's, punctuation, all of it, then you will loose the raw free verse feel of it. That feeling we get as if your sitting here raging, crying, purging, and being confused, all of it. Seriously , I'm glad I read your writing today, I'll have to check your other stuff out. I hope for you, for your heart, for your spirit , your not still waiting. Life passes us by so quickly, when we move on, the hurt is real, raw, rage, awful! I know your waiting for a reason, just remember it could be that they come home or the universe is preparing you to accept someone who's everything you ever longed for, wanted and desired and you the same for them. It did for me...I am thankful everyday now that It has. Even for the experience that I had to go through to find her. Thank you for sharing a part of you!
Namaste'
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I enjoyed this write, i liked what you said"I never said anyone should read it, i just hope that someone will."that immediatly attracted my attention, it is well written i like the way you put these feelings into words and over all its a sad story to witch many people will relate to.great write!keep up the good work!!
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A slave to the puppeteer called love, and quite a vicious thing it can be. I had this happen when I and a girl I had a massive crush on both started college, in different cities, of course. My mind soon protested the fact that she wasn't around and generally succeeded in making life miserable until she succeeded in cutting me out of her life and the relationship was over. I ended up being grateful for that.
Pretty good poem, but you might want to use stanzas here or periods at the very least. I saw one minor typo here: "so she'll jus sit there by the telephone", but it's pretty obvious what you meant. -
How sad! You expressed a ton of frustration in this. There's some very beautiful wording in this write. Great job; thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Take care.
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What a jerk he must be and i know exactly what that fels like, it makes you feel like crap and you did a really good job with that feeling.
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