Down in a cool, dim basement
A drawer is opened casually
As if to retrieve a needed file.
Man in white coat unzips a bag inside.
Contents viewed.
Note found, clutched tightly.
To do:
Lose weight (period)
Watch less TV (“less,” underscored)
Spend more time with family (“family,” all caps)
Get Right with God (circled darkly, three exclamation points)
Toe tag reads:
Time was the enemy I never saw--
Identification verified.
In a list
A contest entry
- Battle Of The Sexes Showdown by Cupcrazy.
1800 points, ended June 22, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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A powerful, well written thought
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wow, this one blew me away ...
I first fell into the trap to believe that it is a casual drawer in a study-room ... but when I found the toe-tag-line, I just shuddered ... and had to read the whole poem again, one time with the new understanding, and the second time with my old belief ... I must say, this write is a spiritual initiation ...
maa
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Thanks so much for your wonderful comments. I'm so glad to hear this poem had that "surprise" that shocking effect, for that is how death can take us. It is so important to live our days to the fullest and to be everything we were created to be! Thanks so much for commenting upon my work!!!!!
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Wow!!
Holy Moly~ the ending just grabbed
and instills
how important it is to Live Life and not
procrastinate
I know on several events...If I waited...
Mine would read similar
Also witnessed how a few others...
forgot to live for the day,
ignored their inner voice...
waited...
placed on the gurney the next...
Thank You for sharing this Powerful piece!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win
Many blessings to You
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Yeah, I know what you mean. I had a friend die recently. He was only in his thirties. He lived a life full of regrets and "should have"s. It was one of the saddest deaths I have ever personally experienced. After that, I was determined that those I loved would know how much I care and that I would expend a lot of myself making sure that happened.
Thanks so much for your congratulations. -
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I hear You on that one...
It took the death of my significant other to realize...
Life is Precious...never know...but don't wait
to find out....
Live Life with Love, and do over again
I Thank You
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Great write! Loved the last three lines, especially in view of the excellent choice of title! How many of those notes have I written? Indeed, time will run out unexpectedly for most of us.
Congratulations on the trophy, and a delightful piece!
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THanks so much! I am hoping that this little poem will be my own "Note to Self" and cause me to get motivated in a few areas of life.
Thanks again for your kind comments.
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This is a fine penning that captures the stark reality of a person who waited far too long to put things right, we all do that from time to time. Its stark form gives the emotional response intended...do not put off tomorrow what you can do today. Congrats on your silver. Love, C
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Thanks so much for your kind comment. I was hopng for the initial ambiuguity and the ending shock. So glad it came across. It's crazy, but I can write something like this, knowing the lesson with my head, but not necessarily putting it into practice in every aspect of my life. Thanks again!
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lol I understand that all too well, I now know in my life exactly why Nike used their slogan 'Just do it', it is deeper than you think Love, C
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This simply cries out with a stark reminder to us all, never put off till tomorrow, that which we can do today, so I'll do it now, and say 'well done'. You wrote an absolute classic with the prompt very much in existance. Congratulations on your Silver, it was very well deserved.
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Thanks, Mike, for not saving your nice words 'til another tomorrow. I really appreciate it. "Classic", wow, that's really nice of you to say. Thanks again.
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Nice. Quite an original piece. You suprised me with the ending. Congrats.
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So glad for the surprise. I was hoping it would come across that way. This was risky for me because the style strayed quite a bit from what I am usually apt to do. Glad it worked for ya.
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Wow this is so different from the other writes and Bunny id write, it does have an excellent style all by itself. Wonderfully done.
Ryan -
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THanks, so much Ryan. Yeah this was different for me too. Glad you enjoyed it.
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I freaking love the last lines, I have used the toe tag image in one of my pieces called "Autopsy of a Marriage", it is a vivid and captivating image and when placed within the reference of time becomes all the more powerful. How many of those "to do" lists do we write each year and very rarely ever scratch any off the list as accomplished and yet time moves quickly by becoming the enemy to our own completion of selves. Thank you for this piece, I loved it
Hugs, Bunny
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Bunny, thanks so much for the silver. It means a lot coming from you and especially in the midst of such great company of poets. I am humbled. And truly, this was some contest to place in. It was really loaded with totally spectacular pieces. I was so impressed with so many of them. THanks again.
. . . completion of self--a very interesting turn of phrase. Hmmmmm. . .
I'll have to check out your Autopsy poem.
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Clever
Very well done. You gave this prompt a wonderful slant. Plans that never presume time. Procrastination is such a joy. Best of luck in the contest.
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Ah, yes, I would love to revel in procrastination, but maybe later.
Thanks for your encouraging words.
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