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Reflections

Frank always felt like nothing he ever did was right.
Everything was turning to shit, his whole life.
His car kept breaking down,
no matter how many times he tried to get it fixed.
And then yesterday, he got fired.
It wasn't his fault of course.
If people would just get off his back once in a while.
His daughter was sleeping with this college kid,
Sam, he thought his name was.
Hell, Sam, the walking hardware store.
What did his daughter ever see in this punk?
On top of all of that,
He knew, just knew, his wife was cheating on him.
It was one of those things he knew,
but he had absolutely no hard proof of it.
And to top it all off,
she decided to pick this morning to bitch at him.
We woke up this morning with a headache
the size of a small state, and she wouldn't shut up
about him forgetting to take the damn garbage out.
So, Frank did what he always did;
He hung his head and just stared into his coffee cup.

And as usual, The Reflection stared back at him. 

He thought to himself briefly if he was going crazy.

That brought out a sarcastic little chuckle.

And then of course, his wife thought he was laughing at her.

    "Why don't you just kill the bitch?

     You know you want to. 

     At least that way, she'll shut the fuck up!"

Frank shook his head to clear the voice out.

It was no good, it would be back.

   "Why can't you just shut the hell up." He mumbled.

    "What was that?!?!?!" His wife screamed at him.

Shaking his head, he just walked out the door, and down the street.

He had better things to do, he had to find another job.

Frank thought himself to be a good worker,

it shouldn't be too hard to get another job.

After all, he had friends all over town.

His first stop was down at the gas station Joey owned.

Crazy Joey, his best friend from college.

    "I'm sorry Frank, I just hired someone yesterday."

    "That's alright, Joey. If you hear anything let me know?"

Stumbling into the public rest room there at the gas station

Frank ran the cold water and splashed it on his face.

Then he looked up into the mirror, face covered in water.

His reflection was covered in blood instead of water.

A large meat cleaver in his hand instead of a bar of soap.

    "Kill 'im! Kill 'im! He KNEW you needed a job,

     and he gave it to someone else. That's not a friend."

Shaking his head, which was now pounding.

Thoughts of taking that meat cleaver in his hand and just...

wait a minute, he didnt have the cleaver, did he?

He stared dumbly into his hand,

knuckles clenched and white around the haft of the weapon.  

Opening his hand, he listened to it clatter upon the tiles.

    "Couldn't get a job? Lazy bastard!"

Wouldn't she ever just shut up?

He climbed the stairs to the bathroom,

then closed and locked the door for some peace and quiet.

Standing there in front of the mirror, splashing water on his face.

He pushed open the cabinet behind the mirror,

taking down a vial of his prescriptions.

Arching his back in pain from a prior work injury

he popped three or four of them in his mouth, and bit down.

Hearing the crunch in between his teeth

thinking that for some reason they sounded like bones breaking.

Closing his eyes to a welcome sight of a baseball bat

crushing her skull in while she slept, he grinned.

    "Do it."

The voices, they nevre left him alone.

He knew, in that instant, he needed help.

    "Bullshit, your not crazy, and we both fucking know it!

     YOUR not crazy. It's your wife.

    She's insane, man. 

     Are you gonna take that shit from her all your life, you pussy?"

Slamming the cabinet shut,

hearing the tinkle of broken glass fall into the sink. 

Blood running from his knuckles.

Wiping his hand across the un-shatered half of the mirror

to try and block out his reflection.

Not his reflection, the one who spoke to him.

The one who always told him to do evil things.

A pounding on the door.

    "Frank? What, breaking shit up now?"

Oh, for fuck sake, leave me alone

he wanted to scream to her.

Drive her away, or leave, or... something.

    "Kill her..."

No, I can't kill her, I love her.

    "You don't love her, you hate her."

I do NOT hate her, she's my wife.

    "She hasn't been your wife in years, dummy.

     She hasn't been a wife to you since you caught her with Kyle, from work." 

     She doesn't love you, you don't love her, never have.

     You only married her because you knocked her up.

     Now even your own DAUGHTER hates you."

Thats not true! We're happy, we love each other.

Maniacal laughter in the back of his mind.

    "KILL HER!!

     "Kill her, or I will! And your daughter, and Joey, and Kyle, 

     Everyone!"

He watched as his body moved, against his will.

A scream in the back of his head, he watched

and could not stop any of it.

The door swung open. 

The shard of the mirror clenched in his hand.

The spray of gore as he drove the shard into her forhead.

A sharp burn as it sliced his own hand wide.

Then the shard turned.

Slicing into his own wrists, lengthwise.

Blood slowly bubbling out from under six inch gashes on both forearms.

The only thing left, was a mans reflection in the mirror, 

as light and life faded from Franks eyes.

The reflection was laughing. 

 

Author notes

This is an experiment that myself, and a friend are doing. We are taking the EXACT same idea, and seeing what will happen when we BOTH write a poem based upon that same idea.

LordVampirEternal is writing the other one, and I will post a pic to that as soon as he finishes.




4) SO I KNOW YOU READ THESE, PUT THE BAND "Cannibal Corpse" IN YOUR AUTHOR'S NOTE. If you do not, i will give you a warning and after, if you don't comply, i'll have to DQ you

usually, I do not add anything like this in my authors notes, as I do not believe it is important to have this in a contest. But, I do always try to follow the rules, so here ya go. Also I believe my poem stands a chance of placing in your contest.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21
  • piccola silver member
    January 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    just the graphic gave me goosebumps. It's a bit long for my taste and a bit dark I suppose. But that's all just a matter of taste...looks to be lots of work.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    January 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent tale...very well told! The build up is fab. I do think you could have taken this theme so much further, it feels like you only skimmed the surface. I felt as though it was just getting going and then it ends You have however written it extremely well and it is enjoyable...certainly leaves you wanting more, more, more!! Thank you for your wonderful entry and best of luck in my contest!


  • Emm Jayy
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That was incredibly twisted and made me shiver as I read it.

    Good job and good luck in the contest!


  • DeepDarkDesire
    September 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting story

    I like this, some areas it seems a little forced but overall it's decent. However, I wanted poetry and this is a story. If I had been asking for stories you would have earnt yourself a high chance of winning. It's unfortunate I can't put you into the finalists.


  • Great Puppett V
    July 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    well written

    Not much flow because it didnt truly have the form of a poem but the imagery and the theme and topic take me past that. It seems that frank has schizophrenia or maybe just a little to much stress. but you did excellent as the writer you made me feel for frank. thanks for entering and good luck

  • Acidanthra
    July 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem! Thanks for entering the contest and good luck to you. : )


  • Northern Raven
    July 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    If this fantasy is an experiment then keep on experimenting, because I personally think this could be the birth of a story that if expanded, would make an extremely interesting read for many horror fans. The trials of life drive us all crazy now and then but I wonder how many people would be driven to these psychopathic thoughts! The detail in this work is very good and it’s something that many authors fail to sustain in longer writes but this is good to the end. For fear of the madman with the cleaver in his hand, dare I say there is one little typo in this line “The voices, they nevre left him alone.” It should be “never”

    After reading this though, it is story/prose and as such contravenes Raven Contest rule 5.3 so if you’d like to enter another piece that fits into the contest rules you may email ravencontest@comcast.net to receive a change/alternation approval code.

    Thank you for entering the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with your entry! Your work may also be viewed by other Raven judges.

    Northern Raven


  • ArmorXForXSleep
    July 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this story however i think that it should contain more details i think it should go deeper into the emotions of this mad young man but overall your story is very good and well put together


  • LordVampirEternal
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a terrific write really I enjoyed it sorry it took me so long to comment I havent really been on here much and i have written my version now again sorry I took so long great write!


  • xXLoveXx
    July 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good job....I really like this! Thanks for entering
    GOOD LUCK IN MY CONTEST!


  • theredcatjazzoflove gold member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this was cool desr it started off really good then afterwards it was like you lost your feel for writing this is a 6

  • Aurora Ceres
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, keep in mind this is coming from someone that does not like dark writes.  I completely enjoyed this. The visions and dialogue you created flashed through my mind as a movie. All in all I rate this 8/10.

    Bella


  • OnyxtheForsaken
    June 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME. So delightfully maniacal and intriguing and I couldn't help but kind of laugh at some parts. Maybe im sick in the head but i dont care! Fantastic write! Can't wait to read LVE's one too to see how they differ! Top notch work!


  • Griswold
    June 26, 2007

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    Very well done, I don't really like these types of writes normally but this was interestingly written for sure,Great job...Griswold


  • tony1kanobee
    June 23, 2007

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    the dialogue going on with himself and the dementia was all well thought out. i thought some of the beginning could be improved. the line "Hell, Sam, the walking hardware store." didn't make sense, maybe there's a typo there. i thought the metaphor "headache the size of a small state" maybe if you said "headache the size of rhode island" to me, would sound cooler. after that though, i really enjoyed it, like i said the inner dialogue going on was brilliant! it did felt like a short story more than poetry, but hey it's a great write just the same.


  • eating vertigo
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this one, other then the fact that it's not so much of a poem as it is a short story.

    You did a good job, thankyou for entering my contest
    ~Raven


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    O.O

    WOW! THIS IS AWESOME! Mesmerizing.....it kep me wanting to continue and it's a TRUE TRUE DEFINITION OF INSANITY, you've got a good grip on madness. Keep at it. Also, one more thing, just a warning, go read the rules please, check the author's note and write me back when you have changed it.


  • CassidyEngle
    June 22, 2007

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    Bloody, gory what else could I have said you should have entered htis one into my conest. It would have won compared to the stuff I'm getting.

  • Empusa
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The picture itself sends a chill up my spine.

    Chills from beginning to the end. Makes one wonder how many of us has our own little demon in us that just pushes to come out.

    I do believe you have horror here.

    (I hope those voices I have been hearing never get this bad.)


  • Riftkin gold member
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think I will one day be in Franks shoes.

    but, shhh, don't tell the voices I hear at night.

    for they are getting stronger, but no one else will pay my price, as I will be the only one I allow it to take.

    Frank should have gotten help, I know I should, but won't.

    Tis a great write from the Master of Horror and Dark.


  • RedAquarius
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "We woke up" - think you mean he?

    "He climbed the stairs to the bathroom" - this threw me cuz I've never seen stairs to a restroom at a service station. I think there's some continuity issues there cuz he also opens a medicine cabinet so I assume he somehow got home but I missed that completely.

    Couple of places you need 'you're' not 'your'.

    Again, I think the formatting would be much better as a short story but I think it's a great story, I was hooked from the beginning to the end.


1 - 21 of 21