I had my lessons,
I will not fall in cursed love again.
My love is always cursed,
it squeezes blood from my heart.
Whenever I see a light,
I follow its rays to the end.
At the end someone is always standing,
Suddenly I am out by her throwing.
Finally my heartbreaks,
and it continues to give me pain.
Therefore I will not fall in love again,
because my love is always the cursed one.
A contest entry
- love= Heartbreak by Hearts.That.Bleed.
375 points, ended July 1, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Ah that is sweet bitter sweet
Thank you for sharing this gift, and may Allah counter the bitterness with a great blessing of love, insh'Allah.
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I agree with zayra. I like "Suddenly I am out by her throwing." alot makes one think 'hmmm that's very sad'.
Well Written piece. Though I am not a big fan of center alignment, I still liked it.
-Esha
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This has an ancient poetry feeling to it...classical.
Good luck in the contest.
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--Your poems seem to all be on the boundaries of love; the very way you have tossed your emotions about in this poem is metaphorically moving: that, as you put it, "(love) squeezes blood from my heart" provides a strong, visual and ... original?response to the way "(your) love is always the cursed one"... and as a point of improvement, I would like to see more of your visual description in the future: that you use objects and processes to describe your emotions instead of (some) cliches like "my heart brakes"... and I know this is only my opinion, but I truly think it will strengthen the body of text and possibly bring in more interest; that, instead of us relating to "heartbreak/continues to give me pain", we could relate to the common occurances of the absence of genuine love ("the empty cusp of the pillow staring defiantly at the other" is a suggestion of the absence of the love, etc). -
I like your title the most... how you equate your sour experience as cursed... the poem expresses well... might need slight polishing, but a good attempt..
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Thank you for your comment.
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This is pretty good
may i suggest you use some imagery, maybe describe more about the type of people waiting for you at the end of the light. Thabk you for entering this into my contest and goodluck.
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Thank you for your comment.
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this is good would be better if you can more descitiptively and vocabulary. Maybe an imagery
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Thank you for your comment.
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This is extremely sad and explains love in a sad manner.good work.
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Thank you for your comment.
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It's a good sad poem of bad experience, thanks for sharing.
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Thank you for your comment my dear.
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