War, raging on all around me
I'm attempting to find a place
To hide
Even though I'm safe in my bed
This is all a dream gone from bad
To worse
Gunfire booms inside my mind
Shouts of the Colonel "Fire, now!"
Close by
I, so vividly, hear them all
Their cries, in this awful nightmare
I have
They're now barking orders, 'front line'
I obey, realizing I'm
Awake
I'm there, with few living others
Getting myself ready for the
Real war
Author notes
This is my first of this form, I read one by Q45moh and decided to write one myself.
A contest entry
- 10 Trophies or Less!!! by Laura Lamarca.
650 points, ended June 27, 2007, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The wonders of many sleepless nights. by x-Black-Butterfly-x.
600 points, ended July 23, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUND 1 Contest ~ Anything goes ~ Points in final round 1950! by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended July 20, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! by Rainy Days.
630 points, ended July 23, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Insomnia by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 2, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Sigh. Nobody should have to live with these nighmares. Thank you for entering.
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Oh, what a beautiful write~ Such real feel to it! Thanks for entering my round contest ~ good luck to you!
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wow..this was really effective. like you expect it to really be a dream but then at the end you summed it up beautifally that it wasnt a dream and that it was reality. well writen and expressed keeping the reader on edge wanting to know what happens at the end. a wonderful write. best of luck to you
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GREAT IMAGERY!! This poem was very nice I loved this form and all the words inside it Great Work
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this is really good. I like it... you have a wide vocabulary for only 12 years old... good work!!!!!! keep it up!
Crimson -
a very interesting form 7-7-2 syllable not rhymed, would seem to offer a challenge especially in the shorter verses, this writer seems to have handled it with ease into a strong narrative with a twist at the end. A fine effort here, very well done...PK
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I like how you decribe fear, to then compare it with the safety of your bed, yet the imagery paints a vivid picture of reality. You describe it so well that I could smell gunpowder as I read this. Then at the end, you bring this into real time, the realities of war penned very well here. I'm passionate about war and the senseless loss of innocent lives and you depicted it well here. I usually ask for punctuation, but it's ok if you don't want to use it, this piece is good without it
Thank you for entering this contest and I wish you luck! La x 
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