Plucked From Inside
This Rib Cage;
Is A Heart;
Beating; [Somehow]
And Still
It's Singing For You
The Only Thing I Hear;
Because, Baby, Your Screams:
Echo Deeply Inside;
And This Is All I Am;
Nothing.
Head Plastered;
Nothing But Apologies;
" I Didnt Mean It "
Bandaged And Bleeding Doll.
Eyes Bruised;
Skin Failing To Cover [These Bones]
Baby Listen;
To That " Thump "
Thump
Thump
Thump
And I'm Breathing Heavily
On The Bathroom Tiles
Sweating All This Blood;;
I Love Those White Tiles
I Drew Your Name In Every One;
With That Oh So Regretable;
"I Love You."
Author notes
Option 2.
Although All He Ever Did Was Slap Me, His Verbal Abuse Compensates For That.
Hope This Is Ok Doll.x.
A One Sentace Story?
Hmm.
I Like Cheese?
Hphm.
In a list
A contest entry
- Emotions[:Options:]Broken Promises&&the Tears by WishMeAway--x.
550 points, ended July 30, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get Carried Away - Rainbowlike Footsteps Lead To.. by LaurenLightning--x.
600 points, ended July 4, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything && Everything (Shoot me up side the head) --all ages-- by Marilyn..
475 points, ended August 11, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Candy Coated Lies by BeautifulDisaster9.
525 points, ended July 12, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty by Matt Holck.
525 points, ended September 5, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The first stanza leaves my hanging until the description of the second
and I don't believe the separation extends the image
I like the screaming echoed inside
reaches into the physical
I don't get the connection to the bruised eyes and bones
up to this point focus was on sound and chest
the isolated thump works its onomatopoeia
and the breathing goes with sound and chest
the white tiles come from nowhere
perhaps a transition line would help
-
Beautiful.
This is a gorgeous write.
Keep writing doll.
<3BD9 -
Wow doll
[You ripped the ♥ outta me]
keep killin bby...
And thanx for entering
-
Plucked From Inside
This Rib Cage;
Ohoh. You really know how to get my attention.
This is amazing. Really. Love it.
You say so much in such few words.
Just.. wow :]
Thank you for entering and good luck!! -
wow, this was powerful,
i loved the bit
"I Love Those White Tiles
I Drew Your Name In Every One;
With That Oh So Regretable;
"I Love You." "
amazing!! you are a very talented writer
-
This was beautiful darling.. I've been like this before. I love you and you are my princess!! =]
-
intense
This was amazing. Incredibly intense, it's been so long since I've seen someone write something so real (even my own work)
-
"I Love Those White Tiles
I Drew Your Name In Every One;
With That Oh So Regretable;
"I Love You." "
Wow I dont even know where to begin. Where do you get your ideas, your talent? its just so magnificent!!!!!
Im a little jelious lol.
Great job,
KayDee
XXXXXX <3<3<3
-
its gorgeous lullaby.
just like you. i've been here to honey. the vebal especially, from a guy...from my parents.
i love you.
♥ -
"Is A Heart;
Beating; [Somehow]
And Still
It's Singing For You,"
Amazing.
This says so much.
It's wonderful and I hope you feel better, love. <3 -
Whoa! I love your arrangement of words, and the ending is amazing. Aw, and it makes me so sad. Awesome write.
-
I Love Those White Tiles
I Drew Your Name In Every One;
With That Oh So Regretable;
"I Love You."
wow. sweetheart. this is xompletey amazing
ily.
-
ohhh & here's some applause. lol.
forgot about that.
-
I Love Those White Tiles
I Drew Your Name In Every One;
^^ those were my favorite lines.
& I had a sad face on the whole entire
time reading this because I knew what was
going on.
-
this is wonderfully bby.
seriously. the flow of it, and the imagery is just amazinggg.
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