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Untouchable

I致e departed to a world of gray, incarcerated in this depressingly dark dimension
I知 losing all that I had today, attempting to flee my resurfacing detention.
I値l never obtain supreme and deserved liberation, slavery echoing through the hollow.
I知 consumed by unmerited and awful humiliation, showering myself within my sorrow.
I知 left ripping myself apart evermore, hurdling myself into a heap of mutilation.
I知 unable to pierce my bleak heart, the only hopeful notion defying total desecration.

Author notes

An old poem revised.

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Comments


  • ASoldiersGirl89
    March 1
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    Wow, a lot of rhyme in there! I really find this poem interesting with your wording and I can almost feel the lack of emotion. And yet there IS emotion in the lack of it. If that makes any sense lol
    Not sure if you remember me from before but this is bunnybabe89. I had to make a new account b/c of a crazy ex. I hope to read more of your poetry in the future
    ~Sarah


  • TheClosestThing
    July 4, 2007

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    Seriously, you amaze me in your abilities to rhyme so well. I'm not lying when I say I hate rhyming poems..except yours. This is amazing, by the way. Your word choice is always so flawless, so put together and flows so well.

    "I’m left forever tearing myself apart, hurdling myself in the multitudes of contemplation.
    I’m unable to disregard my saddened heart, the only hopeful notion defying total desecration. "

    do you know that's amazing? This could/should be a song. Make it into one, I dare you.


  • Denierim
    June 20, 2007

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    I love the feelings you put in this poem and I love the message in these words. I loved the lines:

    "I’m departed in all I’ve done, losing myself in my disbelief.
    I wish that this hurting were gone, never receiving my coveted relief."

    This whole poem has kind of an eerie feeling to it that works better than with most other poems of this style. The only thing really bothering me is the long lines, as they've never really worked with me. But other than that this is a very deep poem that brought some thoughts in my mind concerning my own writes... That's rare when it comes to poetry.

    Thanks for sharing this one; this piece is wonderful