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windows

broken distortions morphing

side step views.
veneered haze of smoke-dust,

eyes cramped for clarity.
artful stains define light, obscure delineations.
rain spattered veil,

beguiled moving universe.
framed pieces of time existent,

changed now- now- now.
shattered threats daunting wounds,

jagged delicate hazard.
open vents flowing breath,

life stirring channel of air.
shut exit shut entrance,

rose colored limpid wall.
fog opaqued steamed,

heavy hung wetness.
blackened by one side of dark,

reflect mirrored souls exposed.
choice permitting views,

risking sight from either side.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • individuality gold member
    February 28, 2008

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    ah windows, they should all be broken with a large ducker. the universe might get sliced and diced then as it moves along its course


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    September 1, 2007

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    Promise...sing

    Hovering on the border between prose and poetry as a variation on a theme touching on insight without pretending to retain a touching insight this composition effectively may prod/prompt introspection on the part of those whose eyes are cramped for clarity ...

    however one seeks a definition for doorway where

    open vents flowing breath,
    life stirring channel of air.
    shut exit shut entrance,

    taking as cue
    exits and entrances
    in the context of Jacques' Seven Ages of Man
    where each plays his proverbial part ... through a glass darkly ...


  • Star Shine
    September 1, 2007

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    The tense of this enhances the description and the somewhat claustraphobic feel. Great wordplay and descriptions. Well done.

  • AstralPoet
    August 29, 2007
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    interesting


  • EatYourSunlight
    August 21, 2007

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    i like alot of your metaphors, there are alot. like every line is flooding out with beautiful words. its a great poem


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    July 30, 2007

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    I also really like that line "framed pieces of time existent". I also liked the line "reflect mirrored souls exposed". This piece is very interesting. Congratulations on doing well in your contest.


  • six of diamonds
    June 21, 2007

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    some good lines in this one

    "framed pieces of time existent,"

    especially at the end.

    "reflect mirrored souls exposed.
    choice permitting views,
    risking sight from either side."


  • aliceramone
    June 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a great piece...reminded me of 9-11 and being stuck inside but I also viewed it as metaphors for life...alot to ponder here...treasure filled language...thanks for entering this piece and good luck in the contest

1 - 8 of 8