I didn't sit there waiting for you
Though I might've, I don't know
But I had my own things to do
and I knew you wouldn't show
But as I sit here now
I wonder what will be
What will come of my jaded face?
and your decency?
Will you ever wish you kept me?
Wish you stayed in my gaze?
Or will you regret it all--
Justify me as a phase?
I don't want to be a mistake!
A burden, a regret
Though I HATE being forgotten
I'd rather you just forget
But I will not forget
complete moments we got to share
I'm keeping those moments
You can always find me there
Author notes
I had a really rough time with flow on this one, I know. If you have any suggestions that wouldn't change what it says, I'd love to hear 'em! Thanks.
**Background created by a-bear
In a list
A contest entry
- 10 Trophies or Less!!! by Laura Lamarca.
650 points, ended June 27, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make my Heart want to Bleed for you by DemonChild.
900 points, ended July 2, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Have you felt this way?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hi! I don't know you
obviously, but this is a great poem and it had great flow! I'm going to check out some more of your work!!
And I loved this part,
"Will you ever wish you kept me?
Wish you stayed in my gaze?
Or will you regret it all--
Justify me as a phase?" A bunch of meaning in a few little words. Its great.
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it
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Katy, I know this is an older write and I've commented already, but finding you returned after having been away for awhile I wanted to read it again. I love it and the title is beautiful I must say.
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Good Work....
"But as I sit here now
I wonder what will be
What will come of my jaded face?
and your decency?"...this part is the most appealing...really nicely carved feelings."Justify me as a phase"..and others are marvellous pieces of symbolism...Keep it up, my freind.
Regards,
Himadri
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this reads to me as incomplete. the flow was bold and strong but you closed the screen on me and left me wondering this [iece is to good for you have done it this way ~ lady enthralling Breathe ~
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Beautifully written....
...Full of deep feelings and raw emotions. Very well constructed. And the flow was pretty smooth too, in my opinion.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
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I know how you feel
This is exactly what I went throught about a year ago and i am still trying to deal with the pain of losing someone i thought loved me I hope that you can get through what ever heartache that life throws at you. -
it's a great write once again. I hope you don't mind all these little comments I'm leaving you. I just love your work and want you to know each piece I enjoyed. These lines packed the most punch for me...
Though I HATE being forgotten
I'd rather you just forget
Great great write!
WWW* -
You are an amazingly talented person. Such a good job on this. Once again I loved the end.
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I wonder how this is all going to play out... it's not over yet. Very pretty background. I like the feel it gives this write. I'll talk to you later.
With love
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I think you have come up with a great entry for this contest I thought that it flowed and rhymed really well, and the background is beautiful. Well done indeed, and best of luck in this contest
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I really like the whole idea of this. That you can be found in a moment of memory. How creative. The rhyme and flow are really good too. great job.
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Thanks so much! That's really encouraging. By the way, I'm working on my piece for your contest. I've copied all the titles, too, because even after this contest I hope to write on them--I've found a lot of inspiration from them. You're wonderful. Talk to you later!
Katy
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I agree with PK, good rhyme used and a creative use of your words, this flows well and makes good sense. It's good to see you took the advice and edited Makes my job a little easier. Well done with this and thank you for entering. Good luck! La x
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a very fine effort here to express in rhyme, and the thought come across well and a tone of sincerity, very nice; don't like "jadedness" an adjective/verb sometimes makes a clumsy noun- jaded ways?. A creative use of words here and a talent for expression ...PK
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Thank you...I changed it, not quite to what you said, but it gave me some ideas. Thanks a bunch!! Thanks for reading, too.
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