You were designed by carelessness—
(MISTAKE!)
But raised in loving tones of
compassion and affection.
Unfortunately your true heritage won out in the end.
You are pure cruelty in your every movement or inaction;
in your every utterance—or lack there of.
Channeling your inadequacy into me
until I am the adopted cause of your sullen state,
your sulking silences,
and moody immobility.
Basically, you loathe every aspect of me that you before adored;
my character, accent, and attire.
And presently I possess a quasi-desire to serve you the truth;
No icing,
No turbinado;
Simply sincere, unadorned candor with a side of sodium
To rub briskly into your abrasions.
But some of us entertain a certain decorum, if you will—
To not offend a friend
Especially one who only ever offered compassion and affection.
My tongue sits lovingly in my palm
(speckles and plaid)
Pulsating, but restrained.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
-
WOW! I love this. I love the quick witted humor! The word use is unexpected and original! I love the lines,
"Channeling your inadequacy into me
until I am the adopted cause of your sullen state,
your sulking silences,
and moody immobility."
Very well done!
-
this was full of strong powerful emotions i could tell it came from the heart it has a nice flow at first when i read it it i thought there was something missing and then i read it over and i could tell that what was missing was love i think this is perfect just the way it is keep it flowing and never let the ink run dry and i look forward to reading more by you this had grace to it and you have talent much talent well done
-
very good
while the subject of this write may have a hard time w/ this i found it a excellent read. well written.
-
interesting!
strong images...a broken relationship is so sad..we tend to hang on long beyond the point we should have! Keep them coming!
-
DEEP
Well organized,and so honestly written. The entire poem was so in depth. Thank you for shareing Good Luck and God Bless -
expressd1
There is a lot of truth to this poem. Its detailed and very well written. The construction is well organized. I enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks for sharing.
-
wow
love the holding of tongue image and it's consequences
very well described!
-
UMMMM... WoW
-
Very nice work but it seems to have something left out, I don't know why I just was left with the feeling something was missing.
-
-
kao3
I think what was missing is quite obvious..love
-
-
I like the image of "holding your tongue." This is a good image of tact and yes the unrewarded part is that it is not noticed and therefore not appreciated. I think this defintely works best in its free verse form without ryhme. I like the truth of this piece and I would't change a thing! Keep on writing.
-
-
thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem!
Arielle Giselle
-
-
If I could read something as intriguing and intellectually spoken every day, I believe I too could gather the courage to speak without complication.
Such a very well written (and thought) piece you have penned here. One thing I have always enjoyed about your work, is the gift you have with expression. I had to read it again!
Excellent write!!!
-
A refreshing piece of work, I think I understood its meaning, if not it was still worth the read, B.
-
Wow this is really great!!! I really don't know what else to sya, I can't pick a favorite part because I loved it all! Great work here! You have left me speechless
-
That was chilling & so brave
That was chilling and so brave to write..I couldn't wait
to read each line, wondering if you were going to take
us into your rage or the devine!
I too..am emptying my life backpack, and there's just no
more room..so it's time to unpack! and writing like this
sure gives all the courage to do it too.
Loved it!! it was chilling and so brave of you to write
this and to give it that title too.
-
I liked it.. At the same time that it left a weird taste in my mouth... Unfortunately I just didn't understand it at some places.. And everywhere at the same time.. But I guess I also like that about the poem.. Contradictions.. -shrugs-
<3 Good job
-Danneh(Is confused.. But she likes it)
-
Again, another piece I've read today, just searching through poems, that has stellar finishing lines. Loved those. I felt that you got maybe a little wordy throughout the piece, and the very noticeable and intense emotional context would be even MORE effective if some of the language was toned down. For instance, "But raised in dripping, demulcent tones of
compassion and affection", too me, felt to be too much, but if it were "raised in dripping tones of affection" is more to the point, and still holds the imagery in tact. Personally preference of course (isn't every opinion
) but lovely nonetheless.
-
-
thank you for your analysis of my poem "The Unrewarding Consequence of Compassion and Affection." I appreciate your consideration and input and I am currently musing over your advice.
Arielle Giselle
-
-
:)
This is absolutely astonishing!! I love the images that were bound tightly in a beautiful frame. They spoke to my body, mind, and soul....
I also love how the poem was pieced together. My eyes joyfully sensitized each and every word as I read it....
I am a very empathetic person, so each poem that I read, I can feel. I felt absolute accomplishment of taking my time to read this poem...
Great Job!!
Cith...
-
I love thsi piece, I absolutely love it... it's filled with disappointment, irony, pain. Here it is percieved that the poet received a bitter blow and is therefore tring to work through the sting. Trying to mantain oneself amidst betrayal is sometimes a truly difficult task...
hmmmm succulent , rich piece this one..again absolutely very well written!!!
-
So well spoken! Almost in the sense of intimidation of vindication - being freed from the likes of someone unappreciative of worth. Very nice write! Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
Adding your comment:
1 - 22 of 22
